Lived Experience Forum

[stuck21]

I’m not suicidal but I’m at a point where I don’t know what to do. I’m 30 years old and for the last year I have been suffering with increasingly worsening anxiety, depression and severe insomnia. I started seeing a doctor about 6 months ago, it helped at first and I was put on medication (though I have never felt any change from this). I have also been seeing a therapist (although after having to change an appointment a couple of weeks ago I never heard back from her so have not been since) but I found no benefit from therapy. It made me more anxious to have to speak to someone. I don’t know if I’m just not doing it right. This has affected my ability to work and my relationship with my family. I’m a school teacher so I can’t attend work if I literally haven’t slept. This is causing stress with my family, especially my mum who (despite her claims to the contrary) wants a quick fix. This is the message I received from her this morning when I was unable to go to work today.

I am sending this because I love you and I am extremely worried about you. This whole situation seems to be getting nowhere and I am not seeing any significant improvement in you. You lead me to believe that the medication doc put you on would help with the anxiety thus allowing you to sleep better. This is definitely not happening for you, but I don't think you are actively doing a great deal to help yourself either. I firmly believe that you need to be doing more, not just lying on the couch staring at your phone. I'm really sorry but my hands are tied as you won't talk about anything, therefore it just causes me to worry more and you are not the only one not getting any sleep. The only thing I care about is getting you better and I will do anything I possibly can to help you. I do NOT want to see you give up your job or your home unless you feel it is what you need to do. I wish we could talk about this on the phone but I know you won't . Just remember I am always here for you and I love you.

I appreciate her love and support, obviously. But do I tell her part of the reason I couldn’t sleep at 4am was because I was so anxious about her knowing if I didn’t go to work?

I don’t know what else to do. I have tried other medications short term for anxiety and sleeping but I have to take a lot for them to do anything and they leave me feeling exhausted and hung over.

I don’t know where to go from here. I want to be back being the person who didn’t feel like getting out of bed in the morning was a marathon. I just don’t know how to make it happen.

Thanks

[ptsd40]

Hi stuck21, you have done the right thing by reaching out for help. I have experienced what you are going through and it does get better.  I used to feel like I was falling down a cliff and trying to grab on to any tree root or rock that would stop me from falling. But you need to be on the right medication and finding a psychologist and/or psychiatrist that care. Yes, you may need to see a psychiatrist to help get the right medication and dosage. If you have a good GP go back to them.  If not then it is time to look for one; most GP's can be found on a surgery website and will detail what the GP specialises in.  Look for one with speciality in mental health conditions.  I have found the best to be GP registrars.  They have more time to to listen and have up to date knowledge. Be kind to yourself, be proud of what you do achieve each day not matter how small the achievement feels from what you would normally do. Always know that recovery is possible and that people care.

[Former-Member]

Hi @stuck21

Welcome to the forums, i'm glad you have posted about what you're going through, its so hard to manage work and anxiety. Sounds as though your mum is trying to be helpful and supportive thought it must also feel like a heap of extra pressure as well. Im also glad that you have been reaching out for support via your gp (?) but as the medication hasnt been helpful was wondering if you might need a referral for counselling or a psychiatrist for different medication possibly (though medication is only one of many different type of treatment too). There are also a number of online courses that have helped me a little in the past that might be of benefit to you too... theres Mood gym and others...

I'm also a teacher and know how hard it can be when you're exhausted and need to be on the ball and ready to go go go... its a big ask... Keep reaching out for support.

Take care

[Former-Member]

ps .. there are quite a number of teachers on the forums.. 🙂 i have a feeling we're over-represented as a group here!

[Snowie]

Hi @stuck21

Firstly, I would encourage you to get a referral to a psychiatrist to sort out medication. The Gp's I have tried do not know enough about Mental Health to prescribe meds. I would also encourage you to see a psychologist. It is hard to talk to them about it at first, but hopefully in time you come to trust them and they can help you.

I am a teacher so can understand the struggles you are going through. It is such a hard profession to be in when you feel sick. You cannot go and take it easy for the day, it is all or nothing. I am currently on workcover and cannot work due to my mental health.

I am glad you mother is supportive, however I know how hard it is to talk about these things. Perhaps you can direct her to some websites that explain what you are going through. I have done this before. Beyond blue website has good fact sheet, especially on anxiety and depression that she can read. It might help her understand a bit of what you are going through without you having to tell her.

Hopefully you will continue to use these forums as support. Take care of you.

[jem80]

@stuck21

Thank you for sharing your story. I understand what it is like when been unwell can prevent you from doing things. I agree with @Snowie, it would be best to see a psychiatrist (as they prescribe medication as oppose to a psychologist who doesn't prescribe medication), to look at a diagnosis and get your medication sorted. As someone that has been on a rollercoaster ride with several medications, it can sometimes take time to find the right one that works for you. Unfortunately for me it was trial and error before I found the right one. Try to be patient with it.

It sounds like your mum needs more education about what you are going through. Would she benefit from going to a carer's group or getting more information from you or your mental health professional?

Let your mum know what is troubling you, she maybe able to help you. She sounds like she is trying to be supportive but is frustrated. Have a chat with her to find out what is on both your minds and see if any of it helps you.

[utopia]

Hi @stuck21. I'm so glad you had the courage to reach out here on the Forum.
When you say your doctor gabe you the medication, do you mean a gp or a psychiatrist? Gp's can and do prescribe anti depressants etc. But I have found personally that I got a better result when I saw a psychiatrist. This is beneficial because the psychiatrist can give you a proper diagnosis. This diagnosis helps to determine which medication to use.
Being that you've been on your current med for around a year - I'd say it's not really working.
Ask your gp to refer you to a psychiatrist. I really think you'd het the most benefit from this.
With regards to seeing a psychologist or counselor. No you are NOT doing anything wrong. It is really important to have a therapist who specializes in your mental illness. Some are great. Some are terrible. Unfortunately it isa bit or trial and error in ffinding the right person for you.
Medication combined with a good therapist gives the best outcome for recovery. But maybe for the time being, getting the right medication is the priority.
Yes you can recover from this. Yes you can get better.
With regards to your mum. It's almost as if it was my mum talking. My mum has struggled with me having depression. She is a mum and her 'job' is to help her children. No matter howmany times I told her all I nneeded her to do was look after my son when I am too sick to do so - or in hospital. She wants to do more. But there is nothing she can do. It took my psychologist talking with her about how depression works in the brain. And how every time she offers to come around and help me clean up my messy house - that all my negative self talk is telling me what a slob I am.. how laxy and useless I am. Mum finally understands more now. It hasn't stopped her worrying and wanting to help. But she has backed off a lot.
Also, unfortunately, many people think depression is the same as sadness. As we know, it is nowhere near the same. So maybe you could ask your mum to look at the SANE information on depression or beyondblue's website. Either way, it will be hard for her knowing you are sick. But your priority is to focus on yourself and getting better, and try not to worry about her worrying about you. (does that make sense).
Please let us know how you get on with finding the right medication and psych support fod you.
I wish you well.

[ptsd40]

Just wanted to see how you are, there is a lot of good advice coming through for both you and your mum.  Let us know you are ok if you can. The forums are a great source of peer support.  Being able to talk things through with others that have had or are going through similar stuff to you.  We are all here for you 🙂