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Something’s not right

Vee-
Contributor

Asking for help

Hello, new here. Trying to keep it short and not an essay so..

 

New mum, four month old boy. No support or family. Hubby moved interstate soon after son was born due to job. I recently moved to be with him. We are all alone here. New city never been here so it’s all new and lonely.

 

Getting worse for the past week I think of no longer wanting to live but I know I’m my son’s whole world. I will keep living, just hate the thoughts.

 

Not happy at all and dont even know why, can’t pin point a specific reason. Faking it and keeping it all to myself not even hubby knows anything. I cry days and nights. Some days are ok some are really bad. Seems to alternate every second day at the moment. Some days the first half is fine then second half is crap.

 

Too scared to ask for help or see a GP or health nurse which is what I know people will suggest. Any tips or how to overcome this.

 

Will most likely continue going on living unhappily and feeling very down and hope for the best that this will disappear. Is that possible?

37 REPLIES 37

Re: Asking for help

Hi @Vee- ,

 

I know you mentioned that you are too scared to ask for help, but you have been very brave to reach out here! It is not easy sharing what we are struggling with, especially when we are feeling alone. All the peers here will be so glad you did reach out.

 

Sounds like a lot of change has happened for you. You mentioned not wanting to go to a GP so what about some really great phone lines that can be helpful? These have counsellors that you can speak to about what's going on or help connect you to support you may otherwise have been a bit nervous to try. There are also some great fact sheets that you might like. Just going to leave some here as an option.

Beyondblue 1300 22 4636

PANDA (perinatal anxiety and depression Australia) 1300 726 306

 

Meanwhile - its great to have you sharing more here. Would it be helpful to find some social supports in your area? Is there a parenting group nearby? There is also a lovely thread called The Virtual Village - a space for parenting stuff which you might like to check out and chat to other memebers who are parents and living with their own mental health challenges. You may also enjoy some of the more social threads like Good Morning or Friday Feast to get to know others here 😊

Re: Asking for help

Thank you

Re: Asking for help

@Vee- hi- I don't believe it will go away or get better on its own- try not to be scared- nothing bad will happen if you reach out for help- if you reach out you are doing the right thing for yourself & your son- you will get help- I had such severe pnd & postnatal anxiety & agoraphobia ,I could not leave my house-feeling of not wanting to live- they wanted me to be put in the Mother & baby Unit at the hospital to get support & help with medication- yet my agoraphobia was so severe I could not be admitted because of this- which was a shame because it looked AMAZING!! Really positive supportive environment & other mums & baby's going through similar struggleS. Please ask for help nobody deserves to suffer alone- I can completely understand how you feel 💖

Re: Asking for help

Hi @Vee-  and welcome to the forum. Really sorry to hear that things are hard at the moment. It can be difficult to adjust to the changes that come with having a baby, and moving interstate could make that so much harder. 

 

I really recommend calling PANDA as Lauz suggested. They are very understanding of these challenges and so supportive. Another option for phone support is Parentline in your state. You can find details here.

 

I know you said you're keeping things to yourself, which I totally understand doing as it can be really hard to open up, but do you think your husband would be supportive if you were able to speak with him about what you're going through?

 

Mother and baby groups and playgroups can be great for helping you connect with others which may ease some of that loneliness you're experiencing as well as connect you with others who may be experiencing similar issues. Libraries also often have groups even for really little ones and their parents. Even if you don't feel up to socialising, sometimes getting out of the house and being around others in any way can reduce the isolation that many new parents (myself included when I was a new mum) experience. Being here on the forum is another great source of connection that helps many (again including myself here) with loneliness.

 

Other than those options, are there things you enjoy doing with your son or on your own? Anything that gives you enjoyment or feels good is helpful in shifting some of those not so nice thoughts and feelings.

 

It might seem really hard right now but you definitely don't have to go on living unhappily and hoping for the best. Keep reaching out and asking for help when you can - it's worth it (I think).

 

Hope to 'see' you around

Re: Asking for help

@CheerBear @Serenity1 @Lauz thank you for pointing me to some help, I never heard of some of those. Anyway I’m waiting for PANDA to call me back. Still nervous don’t know what I will say but hopefully just getting the call helps a little. I hope they can help, I’m very skeptical that anyone can help. Will wait and see, fingers crossed.

Re: Asking for help

It's awesome to hear you called PANDA @Vee- 🙂 It's often not easy to reach out especially when you're feeling unsure about whether anyone can really help. Saying that you're feeling nervous and not sure what to say, can be a great way to start.

From my understanding and experience, PANDA get back to you as quickly as they can so hopefully it won't be too long until you hear back. Really hope it helps it to talk with someone. Keep posting and sharing here if it helps too.
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Asking for help

Hi @Vee-
Yes, you will feel better eventually. Your body and lifestyle have undergone HUGE changes of late and out need to go easy on yourself while you settle into your new normal. Be careful to attend to loneliness (your needs). Ring someone or visit or just go to the cafe or library once a day. Do you have family you can stay with while hubby away. Babies bring out the best in ppl and wanted around. Self Care precious. Things will improve 💙💐

Re: Asking for help

@Former-Member thanks but I think you read it wrong. I am with hubby now and no family or support as we are now away from our home state where all our family are. I also don’t have a car because hubby takes that to work so I’m just all lonely and stranded at home. No public transport here. It’s not a big major city. 

 

 

Re: Asking for help

I did the PANDA questionnaire which told me I should seek help and then I clicked the send form option for them to view and to call me back. Still waiting on that which is fine because I’m kind of dreading it. 

 

Im pretty sure the main problem is my hubby. Nothing has changed for him after the baby. He has it so lucky. I do everything with regards to the baby. I sleep with baby and hubby in his own separate room. His sleep pattern hasn’t changed whereas mine obviously has. I think it just bothers me that he doesn’t know how much harder it is for me and maybe I kind of resent him that he can still sleep whenever and wake whenever and that he continues living life as how it was for him pre-baby. 

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