Lived Experience Forum

[Alec_29]

Hi everyone,

So I have GAD, Hypochondria and Obsessive thoughts as well as a few compulsions and I'm on SSRI's for my various anxiety disorders and it's been brilliant and i'm only on 10mg a low does and I have been for months and it's been great but both my GP and my Psychiatrist said that they think I should increase it to 15 mg but that really worries me for a variety of reasons

1. I have put on 8 kg's because of the medication & I hate myself, I was already very unhappy about my weight and was trying to lose some but now I have to lose even more & I can't seem to lose any. Im scared increasing the medication will make me gain even more. I have considered throwing up or not eating, which I know is a bad idea.

2. Im anxious about taking my medication in general so I hate any kind of change around it. Im afraid I will get side effects. Im especially TERRIFIED of developing Serotonin Syndrome which is deadly

3. I thought I was doing ok, I have been heaps better so I didn't think I'd need to increase it. I will admit I have still been anxious and on top of all of my other anxieties some new obsessive and intrusive thoughts have been occurring, for example I got house plants in my room and I'm afraid that they will cause me to suffocate or hurt me at night because they respire and release carbon dioxide and use oxygen. Im also afraid that putting hoodies under the door (I do this to make a barrier so spiders can't crawl under the door while I sleep, I'v been doing it for over a year) will cause me to suffocate in my sleep from a lack of oxygen. So I can see why they think we should increase it, however I have been doing much better than when I wasn't. 

Also I have been feeling really bad about myself mainly due to my weight and hips & stomach. I have considered not eating or throwing up, which I know is a bad idea, I'm a psych student so I understand how quickly it can develop into mental health issues, but I hate my body and I haven't bought new clothes in 2 years because nothing fits and I cry and have a breakdown everytime I go shopping for clothes becuase I feel increadibly fat and nothing i want fits or suits my body so I have given up. So I just cry in change rooms get in a bad mood and want to die so I just complain and go home and be miserable.

Sorry about that I just needed a rant I think.

[Appleblossom]

 HI @Alec_29 weight issues are close to our sense of self and certainly effect our lives.

I think I will always remain ambivalent about medication.  My jury is out on that and I have done my research.  I believe ambivalence is the sane attitude to a sometimes necessary evil.

I put most of my weight on due to compulsive comfort eating and not meds.  I have maintained some activity and movement over the years.  Research metabolism and try and stay one step ahead.  Just one step can make a difference metaphorically and physically.

Take care @Alec_29

Sorry nobody noticed your post earlier.

[Devin87]

Hey Alec,

I read your posts and I have a lot of the same symptoms you have/had been experiencing. I have other health concerns as well that make me feel there is more to all of this than just anxiety. I’m having a bunch of tests being done  to hopefully figure this whole thing out soon. I feel like I’m dying a little more each and every day, thinking that I have cancer or a disease. I just want to go back to being my normal self again. 

Hopefully you will get this message. Hope you are doing better now. Take care!

-Devin