Lived Experience Forum

[Glorianna]

Hi there, recently I've noticed some strains in my relationships due to my not taking responsibility of my actions and a critical family member. This individual is merely pointing out aspects of my bi-polar personality when I go through my highs as I am not only self-destructive, but also harmful to friends and family. Since they bare the brunt of my anger when I lash out I'd like tips on how to avoid conflict verbally. Generally, all I do now is consistently quit and walk away silently and without communication. I've been told this is a damaging way of losing connections with people. My reason for shutting people out is because it screws up my mind with overthinking and leaving is often a much simpler action. So far, this is leading me to a contented life but it's not helpful when I'm told by this family member that I lack the capacity for intellect, discipline, a job to their standard. Currently, I'm an adult living at home who has quit uni, work, diploma studies, driving p's testing, and possible romanctic involvements all due to mental illness and the closeness between how human interaction affects me. Mental health-wise, I feel fine and am overly-sensitive compared to before my psychosis state and am on very little medication now, so I'm told. I've not experienced anything overly traumatic, rather I simply have a weak state of mind. How should I live and what type of work should I be trying out? Is there any point to try and immerse myself with new people or would it be better to find work that's low on human interaction? Thanks, Glorianna

[aButterfly]

Hi Glorianna....

I don't have much energy, but just wanted to say it is not because of a weak state of mind....

Have you seen a psychologist that you connected well with? I think people need people & you should try to reconnect when you feel strong enough too.... I'm very withdrawn myself atm...

Sending strength...

Namaste,

A

[pip]

@Glorianna. I don't have bi-polar, but I can sort of understand your reluctance to get into conflict with those around you. Are you currently seeing a psychologist to help you with communicating properly? It kind of sounds as though you know what you want to say, but when you try to speak you possibly get slightly tongue-tied. Perhaps you could look at doing a course involving communication so you can learn how to interact with your peers or family/friends without lashing out. Frustration at not being able to communicate will often cause someone to say something they wouldn't usually say. I don't see you as having a weak mind, rather just frustrated at not being able to communicate properly. The work situation will be easier once you learn how to communicate. Most positions these days rely on communication skills.

[Glorianna]

@aButterfly @pip I don't see a psychologist because I can't pay for multiple sessions and I don't want to dwell on negative thoughts. I'm very fortunate to have a great acute care team who have been working with me on my low self-esteem. I will look into the learning but I'm ultimately working towards independence rather than completing studies -- which I have been advised to take at a part-time rate without adding the stress of work.

Glorianna

[aButterfly]

Hi Glorianna...

Do you know about the Mental Health Plan you can get from your gp for Medicare subsided psychology sessions? They have always bulk billed me, but that may be because I am on DSP... Or maybe you could see an occupational therapist or a career advisor at your university to work out what to do re work & study?

It does seem like the family member may be partially responsible for your ongoing conflicts if they have unrealistic expectations of you...?

Strength...

Namaste,

Anna

[Glorianna]

@aButterfly

Hi Anna, I will check that. By acute care team I mean a psychiatrist, case manager, occupational therapist, and out patient care staff that I see every month or so (but more now since there has been some fluctuation in my health). It's been a while since I was last at uni and my peers have long since graduated from their first or second degrees.

My relative is an over-achiever and seeks to shape me into a better version of myself. I believe it's a doomed goal and it feels rather like unsolicited charity. I used to trust them but no longer. I have a feeling that they should seek help themselves and one of the things I want to do is actually have joint psychologist sessions with them. (Does that work?) My relative has had depressive cycles and suicial/self-harm type issues in the past that I'm not fully aware of and constantly self-blames and equally blames my parents for their life choices. Growing up with that key figure in my life has shaped many of my mental scars because I was constantly trying to understand and help as a minor and had very dehabilitating responses as a result.

One thing in life I will not willingly surround myself with is patronising negativity, yet here I stand.

Thank you so much for your concern. It helps to talk.

Glorianna