Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

hello @Zoe7

If these are your words, well written with depth

I find myself again on this site being unable to click like.

The reason being I felt deeply the feelings and thoughts that you were converying.

I felt compassion and sadness.

My natural reaction is always I want to do something to show that I am listening, that you matter.

So I am not going to press like I am just going to tell you exactly that, "I am listening and you do matter"

thank you for sharing

[Zoe7]

Hi @Former-Member

Thankyou for your kind words and I do hear you! That is the value of this forum - the one thing that keeps me going in the tough times is knowing that there are so many people out there who do listen, do hear, empathise and show incredible support and advice. Whatever the struggles or pain we are all going through at different times we are all still here for each other - means the world to me. 

It has been my saviour at times, late at night when I can't sleep, or when I'm feeling really low, to just write whatever comes out. It's incredibly empowering and at the same time incredibly draining.

Posted some similar thoughts earlier in the week. Will share with you here also.

I feel as if I was dropped into the middle of an ocean by myself as a child, surrounded by the deep, dark water, the unknown dangers that lie beneath and no land in sight. I have been treading water, occasionally floating, going under and pulling myself back up, struggling to breath, struggling to swim, searching for land, searching for life. The water constantly laps around my face – high enough to have to fight to stay afloat, low enough to not take me under forever.  The waves push me in directions I don’t want to go, take me further from the stability of land under my feet, closer to exhaustion, closer to drowning. With every mouth full of water I take in the harder it becomes to want to fight. With every new wave that tosses me around, the more fatigued I become. Occasionally a boat can be seen in the distance and I think I can be rescued but just as quickly as it is sighted it disappears on the horizon. Hope is thwarted yet again. The larger the boat, the more the disappointment, the greater the waves that it leaves behind, the harder it becomes to swim. Just waiting for the water to be still and being able to float!

Feels great to be able to share this stuff with anyone who will read. Don't share with anyone outside of this forum 

[Former-Member]

Lovely 🙂

[jobe]

# ufo
A park bench
Is temporary shelter
For my own imaginings
Where i flee

The sun itself
Dictates my moods
When it shines there is
Nothing beyond me

But the coming clouds
Flood me somber
Drain my sunshine
Cloud me over

Drowned by shadows
Regretful intrusions
Deadening landscapes
A definite dark
And then..

Quickening light

I wax and wane like the heavens
Wispy beginnings and then tumult
An almighty roll cloud
An emerging colossal shadow
And then a magical meteor

I am one ufo
Seeking shelter
On a park bench

[Zoe7]

@jobe love it 

[Happyness]

Every night might be my last

Every night might be my last

But 'The Messiah' paid the price on 'The Cross'

But 'The Messiah' paid the price on 'The Cross'

But i have release 'Through Suffering'

But i have release 'Through Suffering'

And await for the fruits of 'The Messiah's Love And Mercy'

And await for the fruits of 'The Messiah's Love And Mercy'

And everything seems worthwhile

And everything seems worthwhile

And everything seems worthwhile

[Appleblossom]

It is so hard to integrate our shadow side and sides of warmth and light and goodness... 

Our male and female aspects

Our bloody land under, Cold Chisel and snooty tooty Classical Music sides.

Hoping there's a point to it all.

Best done in good company

Trying to change the angst and agony ... to Happyness and Joy ..

It does happen.

[Former-Member]

hello @Zoe7

Very overwhelming, suffocating thoughts.

You expressed them profoundly. That in itself is a huge help. This is what helps me the most on here just let my thoughts flow sometimes while i am crying, in pain, angry, despairing, helpless, numb, holding my breath forgetting to breathe.

the boats of varying sizes that have you have envisioned at different times. As a person reading your words and not experiencing your dream. I am wondering if you could perhaps look at those visions from a different angle. They come back, they are different, different sizes.

Perhaps and just perhaps they are windows of opportunity presenting themselves at different times, in different places and in different quantities.

Please do not think that I am diminishing the meaning of these visions for you in any way.

take care and hope to hear more from you.

just read this and didnt post it on the day so apologies for the delay

[jobe]

# fly fish
An empty bag
Blown full by the wind
Dances
Like a fish fighting against the tide.
Earlier it lay face down on the road
Crusted up on its edges.
Flat.
But the wind brings the dance
And the bag is aloft
Appearing as an apparition -
As a battling fish.

Please come home soon.
Im sick of lying dead-flat.
Make wind
And breath air into
Me.
So we may swim.

[LonelyExistance]

She gives me
The kind of smile
That only she can give
A gentleness that melts my heart
And I can't help but wish
That one day she would notice me
And look inside my heart
And tell me I am what she wants
And fill my world with love
For her I would do anything
If only she would ask
For the kind of love I'd give her
Is the kind of love that lasts.

I wrote this back in 2000. It's the only poem I've written that is a nice one. The rest are quite dark