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Funny Quotes & Jokes - Fun Stuff

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you. Steven Wright
 
If at first you don't succeed, pay someone else to do it for you. Mark Hoppus
 

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. Jean Kerr

@DeterminedYou may like these.

@Shaz51 

Feel free to tag anyone in, who may be interested.

Adge

85 REPLIES 85

Re: Funny Quotes & Jokes - Fun Stuff

Thanks heaps @Shaz51 That's great.

I did do one Sky-Dive (Parachute Jump) by the way - Fortunately it Was successful on my first attempt....

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Re: Funny Quotes & Jokes - Fun Stuff

@Shaz51  This is a great idea for a thread, I stumbled across it - looks like I’m not getting my notifications again.

 

I can’t think of any funny jokes or quotes off the top of my head, but it will be fun to read others 

Re: Funny Quotes & Jokes - Fun Stuff

That's alright @Razzle I'm glad you liked it.

You might come across some funny quotes later, that you would like to share.

There are other joke threads - but I decided to start a new one, with the funny quotes that I found.

I was having a terrible weekend (2 days ago) - so I spent several hours searching the internet for funny & uplifting sayings (& funny animal pictures) to share on the forum.

That helped me to feel better - & maybe gave other people a smile (or laugh) too!

Adge

Re: Funny Quotes & Jokes - Fun Stuff

@Adge   Ok, this is a long one, but I thought it was funny 😁 

 

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman,
'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'

The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

The next night, the pub is packed.

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'

The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.

The next night there is standing room only in the pub.

Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.

The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'

The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties.'

The rabbit looks aghast.

The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says,
'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.

The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'

The crowd's bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.

The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.'

'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.'

The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit guzzles the beer and quaffs the toastie.

He then waves to the crowd and leaves....

NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.

When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.

The barman says, 'Who are you?

To which he is answered,
'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'

The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.

You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'

The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.'

The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'

The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.'

The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'

'I DIED', said the rabbit.

'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'

After a short pause, the rabbit said ...

'Mixin-me-toasties

 

Re: Funny Quotes & Jokes - Fun Stuff

@Adge   Hope you’re feeling better today after a not so nice weekend. ❤️❤️

Re: Funny Quotes & Jokes - Fun Stuff

Thanks @Adge  really good thread. Off looking now.

Re: Funny Quotes & Jokes - Fun Stuff

@Adge @Razzle @Shaz51  And anyone else reading.7C70B5F8-E2B0-4C45-BE1D-49EE025F94A3.jpeg

Re: Funny Quotes & Jokes - Fun Stuff

hope you are feeling a bit better today @Adge 

Hello @Maggie , @Razzle 

sore feet.jpgsore feet

 

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