24-06-2019 08:17 AM
My Doctor appointment is tomorrow, I've been putting it out of my head as best I can. I don't really know what I'm going to say. Just what I think is wrong & ask for her to give me an examination & her opinion. My biggest fear is that I'm going to be pushed, I don't want surgery or radiation, I don't see the sense in that; I just want to manage the discomfort involved & to be able to warn my Daughter . . . I think I'm hoping she'll feel sorry for me, maybe realize that I've given her 35 years of love & support & only got angry at her once in the past 20. What have I got to live for, a very limited solo existence. Even if I did go through treatment, even if it was successful, I still have to end, everybody does. I don't know what I'd do with the dogs while I received treatment, & the recovery would be a lonely, solo, unpleasant experience; I'd rather just face my end that way, then it would stop, it will all stop.
24-06-2019 09:21 AM
Oh @Exoplanet . I’m sorry I’ve been away and missed reading your posts. I’m so sorry that you are going through this alone. I’m not sure of the nature of it as I missed the posts. I hope your daughter does come and support you through this with love.
Ill be thinking of you and hoping for the best. 💜🍀
26-06-2019 11:05 PM
That is such a difficult experience.
I now understand more about your feeling so alone.
Hearing news of that kind knocks you off your centre ..your core..
I also can understand your questioning processes....your thoughts...your family....your fur babies...
all of that is too much to handle on your own though..
It is very brave of you to face the doctor..
I realise now that appointment would have passed ..
There are no magical words...
Hugs were what helped me ....words did not..hug those beautiful dogs of yours...
my cats knew..your dogs will too..
one day at a time my friend...
you will find your way...
be gentle with yourself and let your feelings flow within a safe space...
the staff at the surgery might be able to assist with some information on help with your dogs..
know that you have many many people here holding you...
26-06-2019 01:20 AM
@Exoplanet Hi Exoplanet thinking of you wondering how you are going. You are so loved on the forum. Your adventurous spirit personally brings me so much joy. I love hearing about your pups too and your words fill me with such admiration for your strength and courage. All I ask is for a press on the support button so that I know you are okay. If you can manage a few words that is even better. Stay strong, we are here for you. Love greenpeax
26-06-2019 08:40 AM
The Doctor is already pushing for surgery, she said if I didn't want chemotherapy that's ok. She asked why I didn't want to remove the cancer, I tried to explain. I don't want to go through that process, just to end . . . . everybody does. My Mother had 7 major cancers, she had major operations for the first 4, the 4th being a mastectomy, then she developed 3 more, of which nothing could be done. My Grandmother also developed breast cancer & my Brother died of lung cancer, I think it's safe to say my family is prone to it. I am over 50 years old, I live alone & don't have another human being in my life. Why is it so wrong to accept death, this isn't suicide, I didn't go out & deliberately catch cancer. She got her receptionist to make an appointment for a mammogram for me, it's tomorrow. One step at a time she has said, I'll take that first step, once official I'll tell my Daughter & my Sisters. My Brother didn't say anything, the first I heard of his illness was being told when & where the funeral was. I guess that's something else I should arrange. I wasn't close to him but it was a shock & it felt wrong, so I will tell them, as I am telling my friends here on the Forum.
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