Just checking in. It's been a weird and full on couple of days/week. As expected the results of the tests show he has more tumors. One is around 20cm which has appeared and grown to that size in the three months between this test and the last. The disease is advancing and taking over as the doctors said it would. Both surgery and radiation are no longer the options they've been in the past as they won't keep up with the spread from here. The good is that chemo can help with the symptoms of the big tumor and maybe the slow the development. Chemo is new to him. It isn't a cure and it's part of palliative treatment but we know, and have for a while, that there is no cure for this and his time is coming to an end. He was relieved with the news generally though as he expected there to be nothing left.
It's been very up and down here. We've had some great chats and laughs and tears, and some quite full on Jekyll and Hyde stuff which makes my brain explode. Parents and I told the kids together which was a million times easier than the times I've given them scary or painful news on my own. They had questions including big, unfiltered, 'are you going to die' kind of ones which was ultra hard but we handled it gently and honestly and that was a great way to do it. We also spoke about the logistics of chemo being that parents live where they do and one doesn't drive. I offered to be a chemo companion (and taxi 😉) which was accepted quickly. It will mean the kids will need a day off school here and there but that's OK. Any time we can spend together is what feels important to do from here. Both dad and I mentioned looking forward to spending that time with each other and I think it will be something I'll look back on in a good way. It's a bananas drive as it is long and busy and way out of my comfort zone, but I did a first run at it yesterday as I took him in to the hospital for a test on his heart. I managed well (giving myself a big yay for that one 🎉) and it felt good to be able to do something to actually help.
So that's me and my update. It's a rollercoaster in a pressure cooker. It will continue for a while longer (definitely longer than it seemed the other day) and honestly I have some mixed feelings about that. It's more time to heal and mend and prepare though which has to be a good thing. I'm now really looking forward to school going back next week as things all over will feel more manageable again then I think. Until then I'm going to be hit and miss here on the forum but I'm looking forward to catching up soon.
Thanks for reading if you have ❤
