Lived Experience Forum

[shanc]

Hey everyone,<br>I'm hoping if I get this out of my system and with a little guidance from you guys may help.<br>My last session was last Friday with my psychiatrist where for the first time I cried. We left it that I have no support and have to grieve those feelings. 2 weeks on as she was away last week. I have been house sitting and the bin is full of beer bottles. Few added scars to my legs. I am lost.. I will be back with my folks tomorrow and back to uni so that may help as I don't drink at home... The problem is having no one to support me except the person I pay to make me better. I've said to the few friends I have left that I'm not feeling great and no response. I rarely call this with them as they don't really understand. The other few friends will want something.. E.g. to babysit 3 times this week. Said I I was busy like my lady said and now won't speak to me.. Friends for over 25 years..<br><br>Don't know what to think and what to do and wonder the point of it going on<br> I won't do anything silly... But no support at all.. From family or anyone.. <br><br>Had to get that out.. Thanks for listening

[CherryBomb]

Hi @shanc 

Sorry to hear that things are a struggle right now. It sounds like you're feeling quite isolated and unsupported. I'm glad that you came online. It shows me that you do have skills to cope with this - you're able to reach out and communicate how you're feeling. Those are huge steps.

I want you to know that your friends here are always here for you. Sometimes friends in the offline world can lack understanding of MI, particularly if they've had no experience with it. It doesn't mean that they don't nesscessarily care, it might just mean that they just don't get it, and understand how they're behaviour impacts on you. During tough times like these, I find asking myself: what do I really need? Who can support me the way I need right now?

Try to surround yourself with people who can give you the support you deserve. And this means it might not be friends or family. If your psych is away, dropping into these forums is a great start. Have you considered support groups? If you let me know what state you're in I (or other members on here) might be able to point you in the direction of some. Off the top of my head,  GROW runs a few groups. @Alessandra1992 attends these, and may be able to give you some pointers.

You might want to read this thread started by @Crazy_Bug_Lady , it's a 'coping box', where other members have contributed practical advice and strategies to get by tough times.

I wonder if some our other members @kenny66 @BatGuano @chemonro @peace @kristin  @hiddenite @Former-Member can share their experiences of going down  'struggle street.'

[shanc]

@CherryBomb
Thanks for the message. I actually called my psych the other day which I have only done once before. She said to try and push through this time and that I need to see her weekly even if I'm feeling ok. How do you get through solo. No family of friends. I'm not expecting friends to drop.what they are doing but to sometimes just say how was your week.. How is uni going.. Not just if I can babysit. I am thankful for this forum and I know you guys can relate and will be helpful

I'm not sure where is goes from here. I'm not one to discuss feeling and no one's know a about self harm and drinking.. If they I knew that they would flip it then he over the top. Just a msg every now and then asking how I'm going.. I'm lost and for the the first time in the last few years I am hopeless and even writing this makes me cry.. No one sees me cry and I'm pretty good at putting on a front. I am lost and the light at the end of the tunnel is very dim

[CherryBomb]

Oh @shanc 

I feel sad hearing about your pain.

Sending you cyber cuddles. You are not alone here on the Forums. Spend as much time as you need chatting to us on here.

Remember that these feelings will come and go. I promise you it won't last forever. The feelings you are feelings are just feelings. Yes, they are unpleasant and uncomfortable but they will eventually go away. While you're feeling overwhelmed focus on doing things for you. What do you usually do to get through tough times?

[kenny66]

Hi

I have been down a pretty horrible road of despair too on occasion. Its very hard for non MI people to get what we are all about and that is just a fact of life.

Some of my acquaintance's thought I was just needy until I had a stint in the MHU and they then realised that it was a real health issue.

I notice that you are going to uni. I went and saw the student councillor when I had a major episode in my first year of my degree in Communications.

The uni arranged a great deal of support both at a course strand level-study assistance-personal support and everything else now I come to think of it. They got me through to the second year. But more important was the flexibility given to degree completion.

They also encouraged me to join up to some of the clubs at the uni with some really great people very committed to team involvement and very very tolerant of my sometimes unusual, maybe excessive behaviour.

I did things that I never ever was involved in like the eastern religions group, vegan society,  and some other very diverse associations with obscure interests.

I hung out a lot with the tech nerds because they are so unemotional and calm and that was a bit of a counter balance to my manic personality.

There are a couple of clubs that will talk about MI and being uni, you of course get a very diverse mix of open minded non stereotypical young people.

I have absolutely no family support but rely a great deal on online help like the forum and of course the many MH support groups.

There is no magic bullet to create a support network but for diligence in filling the gap you dont have from friends and family.

I am very persistent at this and have gradually built up a small group of friends on and off campus.

I am in a remote area but when I go to the town I make a point of dropping in on the chemist, post lady chemist and news agent just for idle non complicated chatter.

For something deeper I head of to the MH clinic I go to and catch up with the inmates there, which is a bit of a club in itself. If I don't want to hang out with people with an MI for a bit I go off to the uni to meet up with some of the other students.

Failing that I go the the animal shelter and speak to people who look after animals and are kind to them. This makes me feel good about humanity and myself.

Kenny

[shanc]

Thank you @kenny66 and @CherryBomb
Thank you for responding. My Uni is relatively small and when I have used the MI card the lecturers have been helpful with extensions. Perhaps to start a new support group with new people will help. However I struggle with relationships Perhaps due to BPD and I know it's a work I progress. I find relationships hard but Guess I will work on it. I don't let anyone big me but @CherryBomb I will take a virtual hug. Too many tears and too much beer.

[CherryBomb]

Hey @shanc 

I just wanted to share what @Alessandra1992 wrote in another discussion. Here's some bits of it:

Feelings are feelings and sometimes if we can't talk it out, we can write it out, sing it out or draw it out..some dance it out...
The important thing I have learned is that my feelings can be very changeable but my personal value (self esteem) is rock solid and is independent of how I feel...


" No matter my physical, mental, social or spiritual condition I am still valuable. My life has a purpose and I am in equal value to other people. I have my own unique value and personal identity."

[shanc]

@CherryBomb
Thank you for your messages they mean a lot. That was a great link and @Alessandra1992 has been a great help in the past. I don't have any self esteem. I can't look in the mirror or my reflection. I guess I would like to think I am valuable. Time will tell. Thank you again

[kristin]

Hey @shanc 

Just a quick note before the forum closes. Sorry to hear you are struggling so much. Well done for reaching out here. It reminds me SO much of how I felt through my uni days. I used to describe myself as feeling like a bin full of sh1t with the lid crammed on which was on the verge of explosion!

I hope you are finding some of the coping box suggestions helpul. Sending you some hugs.

Kind regards,

Kristin 

[Former-Member]

Hi @shanc 

It is really hard at times when you feel like noone really 'gets it'. Or they just brush it off with a flippant you'll be fine... I also know the feeling of being around lots of people everyday at work, and a while ago at uni, and feeling completely alone in the world. I struggled through uni with the depression going up and down, working full time and supporting my younger sister through high school. And ten years on ive only just started making some progress. I guess I want to say well done for seeking help and understanding now rather than waiting! I still have trouble connecting to people and reaching out to ask for help. I am also a perfectionist lol so admitting that i cant do it all myself is painful for me, I also find it difficult to say no to people who need something from me. 

It's good that you have an understanding psychologist, perhaps they will have some suggestions for how you can ask your friends/family to support you in ways that you need?

I hope that you keep chatting here, it's made a difference for me and somehow feel a bit more ... 'normal' hehe whatever that is!

😄

LJ