Lived Experience Forum

[Ali11]

The hardest thing to do is forgive yourself @BlueBay  It's so good that you're asking those questions though, what do you want, what do you value, where do you want to be? All powerful things to focus on, because they give us direction. Recently we've found writing down 2 personal goals and 2 professional goals for the next day to be helpful. Then if you only tick off those 4 things, you've had a successful day. It can be little things, like tidying a desk, or sending a letter, or it can be something bigger, but keeping them to something you know you can accomplish helps build the momentum. Sending you love, hope you're getting some quiet time tonight 

[Owlunar]

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@BlueBay wrote:

Thanks @Gazza75  but I’m never proud of myself. 

My bloody husband was meant to close our home loan insurance because we are struggling financially. But no he “forgot “ to cancel it, so tiday they took out $94 twice. So when my pay goes in tomorrow we’ll be $200.  Before we even start to pay our bills. I’m so f####g annoyed. Oh well looks like another fortnight of no psy. 

I may as well disappear because everyone relies on me. 

I csnt fo this. If it’s not one thing it’s znither.$200 is a lot of money. 

@Owlunar  I know you know what I’m going through. 

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Hi @BlueBay 

There is no need to worry about spending time during a crisis in the forum - we all have moments - or afternoons like this - and it is better to share the problem with people you can trust - it is never a waste of time

I do understand about Huffnpuff's learned helplessness which is so frustrating - he could do better - and then you have to pick up the pieces which isn't fair to you - I am wondering why he didn't tell you that it had to be sorted out at the branch in the first place rather than stirring the pot by saying he forgot - yes - I do know about this kind of thing

There isn't anything I can suggest to change that except refuse to do things like go to the bank with him - but you did that and can't change what happened today - I don't know if there is anyway you can make him listen - I couldn't make my ex listen and it all ended in divorce - and I didn't hide my anger - I really let it all out loudly and I think our neighbours knew all our business, also my ex was surprised when the company I worked for wanted to deposit our money in our bank accounts and I had opened a new account and never told him which bank or where - and he couldn't get at my wages - it was a very hard thing to do and maintain.

It's good it was sorted out - learned helplessness is such a hard thing to endure - I don't know why some men like my ex become so helpless - we met when we were studying accountancy - he never finished though - somethings go back before marriage - ahh - enough of that but I certainly do understand

I am glad you didn't SI - but why blame yourself so harshly when this was not your fault? - and why should you do everything?  Being so unhappy and angry is horrible. Understandable though

There is more I could say but don't need to. I feel infuriated at the thought of the money you earn being used to pay for Huffnpuff's mistake - I know how angry he gets when you need time in hospital

Are you sure you don't need time in hospital right now? It's coming across that you are really battling - I know you want the time to have a holiday but it seems to be the case that you need time for youself - time to heal

And my Gran who was a very wise lady used to say there are none so deaf as those who will not hear and it seems that Huffnpuff is one of those people - I don't know how to make anyone listen when they choose not to - maybe your therapist can

Yes - I understand - I was out for a long time and I didn't get back on-line until now - back-pain - the cold weather gets into my spine but I read down to this post while I was at the hairdresser - I feel so much for you

Dec

[BlueBay]

Hi @Owlunar Thankyou for your understanding and support ❤️

Just need to clarify something. Yesterday I looked at our banking online and saw we were in negative because of two direct debit transactions. I rang the CBA and was told they couldn’t help but we would need to go into a branch. 

When hubby came home from wirk I told him. He then tells me that it’s msybe this psyment snd he forgot to cancel it. 

If I didn’t look at our accounts yesterday I would have had no idea. And yes I’m the only one that checks accounts because he “doesn’t know how”. 

And another thing - while at the bank I asked (because I’m worried about this too) when mil passes away can we access her money to pay funeral. Another hubby error. I told him years ago to be the power or attorney on medical and financial. But as usual in one ear out the other. Too hard basket. Two years ago we went to VCAT yo see if it can be done. The lady said yo us that we wouldn’t have a problem as he is the only child. So we didn’t do POA. 

But the guy at the bank suggested we do it as it would be much easier at the time. 

Ok so now I’ve left this eith hubby. He can organise this. I’ve got an email from vcat so I’ll give it to hubby. 

To be honest I was really angry yesterday with my own feelings and then I saw the bank account. And I thought that money could go towards our holiday. I was not happy at all. 

Reg hospital. To be honest I would love to go in fir a break. But no money is hard to cope with. I know my doctor thinks I shouldn’t go in because he says I come out wirse and he can help me with my bad days like yesterday. 

I am nit sure.

I’ve got grocery shopping this morning. My d and A will come as well. I’m  getting my hair done today. Colour and cut short. I’m also catching up with a lady who was in hospital last time eith me. She lives around the corner from me snd I see her weekly. She picks up her meds from my chemist. And tonight I’m out for dinner with girls from work for a farewell. So a busy day. Just as well. 

I have to go to doctor to get nurse to check my blood pressure this morning. 

I just hope tiday is better. I’m feeling drained this mirning. today is meant to be a nice day so I may fit a walk in sometime. 

@Meowmy @Former-Member @oceangirl @Ali11 @CheerBear @Gazza75 

@nashy 

for your support yesterday. I really needed it. @Former-Member  Don’t apologise for not been around. I understand you have so much on your plate. 

Im so grateful to have you all help lift me up again when I was so down and in a bad spot. You all picked me up snd gently looked after me. ❤️❤️

[BlueBay]

I’ve hit a bad slump again right now. 

I don’t want my meds. 

I hate them. I want to stop. 

Its self sabotage 

it’s self harm 

I can’t tell my psych he’ll get angry 

@Owlunar @Ali11 @Former-Member @oceangirl @Meowmy @Gazza75 

[Gazza75]

Hi @BlueBay ,

Sorry you have hit another slump.  You should try and stay on the meds.  I do understand it can be diffucult to do.  Its something I'm working through and dealing with myself right now as well.  You can and probably should tell your psych about it, he might get disapointed, but ,I doubt he'll get mad.  Can you take some time out today and get a little peace and quiet for yourself?  It sounds as though that's what you need right now.

[Lauz]

hey @BlueBay 

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time today. Working on the relationship with medication can be trying on different days - I get that. It's important though to consult your GP before you stop as they can work with you to do that in the safest way possible if that is the goal. 

As you have recognised that it's a self sabotage feeling, it might be best to step back and give one of the helplines a call to support you through this moment as well?

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Samaritans: 135 247

beyondblue: 1300 22 4636

[BlueBay]

I have taken my meds and committed to my doctor that I’ll take them @Lauz @Gazza75 

today I am going to try to stay busy. 

Its a sunny cold morning snd I’ll go for a walk 

taking my meds continually is a struggle. I’ll need to wirk through this with my psychologist. 

I did speak to lifeline. They were supportive. 

[Gazza75]

Good for you @BlueBay , that sounds like a positive and good start to the day.  I'm glad you have got support from lifeline.  A lot of people here are with you to.

[Owlunar]

Hi @BlueBay 

I just got up - I slept in this morning - a wonderful way to pass the time on an icy frosty morning - I think I overdid things yesterday

Please take your medication - self-harm is not necessary - you know if you are ready for a break in hospital - not your doctor - no one here - only you - and it was planned for you to have breaks in hospital during the year and for good reason - when you stop or want to stop taking your medication everything gets worse and it is a time to get away from the stresses at home and it seems Huffnpuff makes these things worse for you

I don't understand how he - ah - he doesn't know how to check your bank balances on-line - that is basic modern-day knowledge - he can learn. Also having his mother's POA will make everything easier when she passes - or even decisions made before that - it doesn't matter that he thinks it's too hard - it's necessary and she's his mother - not yours - I think he leaves things up to you because you do these things and then gets obsessive and blames you when things don't suit him and you feel bad and please - don't keep blaming yourself for his mistakes - 

Being short of money is something I have been through - it is hard and can be depressing but if you need that time in hospital then that's a priority - you write so well here it comes acrosss very clearly when things are getting too much for you

Pity some men can't get the picture and can't deal with issues - but enough about them

I got my hair cut yesterday - my new hairdresser could see the damage my old hairdresser had done and could fix some of it but not all this time - it takes time for the damage to grow out - it's not use getting miffed about having someone attack my hair that way - bitchy behaviour true but she lost a client and I am happy to have the hair out of my collar and bobbed

I hope today can be better for you too - it sounds as if you have a pleasant day planned and I hope it works out and you feel better with your hair done

Go easy on yourself - you deserve better than you are getting - and it was so great to read how everyone here supported you yesterday

Dec

[Meowmy]

@BlueBay hey, hope you feel better soon. Just think all the good things and all the great work you have done. Brought up three beautiful children and now little baby granddaughter. Have a good day. Take care.