Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

I give up. My life is never going to get better. Feeling like a huge failure. Crap stupid. I'm just over it all. I can't seem to get one foot in front. Exhausted feeling like this. Just want to go. Was on lifeline last night.
Feeling numb there's nothing left to feel.
I wish sometimes I wasn't here anymore. Trouble is I get so scared to verbalise this to anyone. It's easier to write it than talk.
Sorry for being on here daily complaining. There are so many others on here who deserve all the support they can get.
I'm lost in my life if there even is a life. I'm so scared of being me. I'm so depressed but it's falling on deaf ears. No one seems to care anymore. My support people prob don't want to know me anymore.
Sorry for this post.

[BlueBay]

Came home last night from work with a sort throat and a cough.  I coughed all night and it is now asthma.  I could hardly talk because of my asthma.  Took some ventolin and now resting on the couch while hubby is outside mowing the lawn.

It's a beautiful day and i really want to be outside but physically i just can't.  Think i need a sleep.

my thoughts in my mind are everywhere today, i am so much doubt that i will get better. i always struggle with my negative talk that goes on in my head.

some days it's really hard to push it away.  might go now and have a sleep.

[BlueBay]

In hospital atm. Asthma got worse during the day. Wheezy chest. On a drip because of vomiting and bloods to see if I have s blood clot dnywhere because my heart rate is too high. They want to make sure before sending me home. Moved me to short stay to wait for results but nurse said because of my mental state I can possibly stay all night and have a break.
Rang hubby and he and son said why don't u use your ventolin more instead of going to hospital!!! They are all f,,,,white!!! I swear sometimes I wonder about my family.
Told them not to come because I'm here for a long night.
I've been crying and talked to a nice nurse
Better go and try to sleep.

[BlueBay]

Blood test results back. Non conclusive reg blood clot. Do had to have ct scan with dye. Very very anxious scared and now editing fir results which could take a few hrs because they are sent to their partner hospital 1/2 hr away. Lying in bed not able to sleep so stressed. .

[Former-Member]

Good luck @BlueBay Thinking of you 

[BlueBay]

Hi @Former-Member

Thanks 🙂

I came home this morning as results came back ok.  I have bronchitis and asthma and i had very fast heart rate while in hospital.  I have slept most of day, just woke up now.  I think I am dehyrated as well from the hospital because my mouth is so dry and i feel very weak.

I told the nurse this morning that i didn't feel very well but the doctor said to go home (he was a rude doctor towards me and I have a feeling it's because of my MH); the nurse looked at me and knew i wasn't well but said look maybe if you go home to bed and sleep it will help.

If i dont get better I will go back.  Taking things very slowly.  I can't believe how quick I got sick. From Friday night to having a slight sore throat to today feeling outright crap.  i think this could be my body telling me to have a breeak.

I'm ringing the private hospital tomorrow to see how long it is to wait on the waiting list to go back in. But then i am worried because my hubby and family will say 'oh why do you have to go in there again'; why can't you just stay home; they just don't get it.

[BlueBay]

Depression is the worst today. Feel crap physically. Don't know if I can keep going. Feel so alone. I hate this. I hate it all. Wish doctors kept me in longer.

[Former-Member]

Hi @BlueBay

Just wanted to say hi and check in. Sounds like your body is going through the wringer at the moment with asthma and bronchitis. Infections like bronchitis can knock you about and recovery will take several days, if not weeks. The best thing to do is rest, sleep and have good nutrition.

What is your support like at home? Will people bring you what you need? Are there friends/family you can call on to make you a nutritious soup or help out with practical things?

Try to surrender to the illness for a few days. You don't have to do anything but rest and let your body heal itself. It is also common for physical illness to exacerbate depression. 

Not easy but please ask for the help you need, and take care.

kind regards,

Frog

[BlueBay]

Hi @Former-Member

I'm not doing well.  Physicaly i feel so sick.  Headache, asthma and bronchitis as well as fatigue.  Family support - what a joke!!! 

OK, well hubby did put the washing on and hang it out this before.  But as for 'I'll cook dinner you just rest", no such luck.  I made a salad and cooked a piece of salmon.  But i am not really not hungry.  i feel so tired. No can't call on freinds, that's not me, i can't just ring and say can you pls make me something.  I so wish i was in hospital still; i wish that last night they contacted my psych and admitted me. But they didn't and they knew how i was.

I'm home the next two days before work on Wednesday so it will be rest.  Also my temperature keeps spiking up and then dropping.  I have an appt with my own GP on tuesday but if i feel worse i will go back to hospital.

thanks @Former-Member for checking in. Not good, strugglng

[BlueBay]

Hi everyone

I need some advice pls:  I know I haven't been well lately and it's doing my head in.  My mental state hasn't been too good, I haven't been well physically either.  And I've been thinking about going back into hospital.  But this morning I thought, what is the point.  Why go back into hospital for a week or two and nothing changes.  I know it's a break, a bit of respite away from home, but reality is nothing changes.  My hubby is still doesn't understand MH and either do the kids.  I will come out and it's back to the same again.

I have phoned the hospital to go on waiting list but my thoughts right now are - should I go or not?? 

If i don't go then I need to do something to change.  I am seeing the new psychologist next Tuesday and i am hoping that she will be able to help me.  It's been really hard the last few weeks without a therapist and a psych who i haven't seen for a few weeks either and hard to get hold of.

And if I went back to hospital it would mean I lose pay as I don't have sick leave left, which then would create more financial burden on us as we are already struggling.  I wouldn't have to pay for the hospital as I have already paid the excess once this year.  

I just don't know what to do.  I am so confused right now.  Do I go; don't I go??  

I have just called my psych and they squeezed me in to see him tomorrow afternoon.  So i can discuss this with him.

Does anyone have any thoughts or advice pls?