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WhyAmISad
New Contributor

Why do I get so down?

Hello I'm 23 have never reached out to anyone before, I often think I might have depression but have never had it confirmed or diagnosed by anyone. I'm relatively quiet, I feel anxious in social situations, have always been a rather shy child. But always had like one or a couple of friends, as I got older I had larger friend groups but no truly close friends, I still get up every morning, and go to work, I actually work in customer service so I guess it's hard to explain my social awkwardness, I just alway feel anxious and I guess I feel that people are judging me and I always feel embarrassed, I have low self esteem, not a lot of confidence. I have pushed a lot of friends away, well I feel like I've outgrown old friends, and I can't seem to make any new ones, I'm friendly, I try make conversation but never know what to say, I swear people just don't like me, a lot of the times in groups when i talk I feel like people just talk over the top of me or never respond to anything I say, I feel very lonely, I even struggle to make conversation with my own boyfriend a lot of the time. I have random spurts of just feeling extremely sad and wanting to just lock myself in my room and cry, sometimes I get really sad and almost wish I could end my life, I very rarely feel that way, and I never would do anything to myself coz I know it would destroy my family, although I live in another state from them now, my brother has bi polar disorder and I guess I wouldn't want to burden my family with adding me on top of that. I feel like a struggle to be happy, I don't have any high stresses in life, I've travelled, just got a new job, have a great boyfriend, but I mostly just feel unhappy, it's hard for me to find enjoyment in things, even stuff I like doing, it's very rare for me to just feel happiness, and I feel like whenever I say to myself life is good that feeling hardly ever lasts and I'm back to just not enjoying life again, I often hide my unhappiness from people, if someone asks if I'm okay I usually out a smile on my face and would be like yeah I'm fine, why can't I just be happy? Why can't I make friends? I feel like this message is all over the place but I just have too much to say on it
4 REPLIES 4

Re: Why do I get so down?

 

@WhyAmISad I am pretty new to these forums too. I only joined a few months ago. 

So far I have been suprised at how much it helps to read about how it feels from others point of view and also to have the opportunity to share how life feels inside my own head. 

I hope that you too will find the community very welcoming. There are a stack of people who can not only relate to everything you described here but also share their own tricks for how they manage things. 

I can absolutely relate to what you are saying about struggling to find joy in things, when it seems logically that we have every reason to be happy. It is for this reason that I personally find my depressive periods so damn freaking frustrating. I feel like my depression steals my fun, and joy acnd light away and I don't get to enjoy what ever awesome stuff I am surrounded by or the company of friends. So I am interested to know if you also feel that frustration with yourself?

My heart goes out to you when you say that you wouldn't want to burden your family with another mental ilness. I discovered this year that my younger brother had also been suffering alone and I just wish I had known so he didn't have to feel so alone and isolated, exactly as you have just described. 

I hope that you find that your voice doesn't go unheard here on these forums ... and that there is always someone to pop up and say "oh my god thank you! I totally get what you are saying"

So welcome ... and hugs and love Heart

 

Re: Why do I get so down?

Hi ya @WhyAmISad

thought you might like to follow this conversation started by @FairyFox who describes a situation similar to your own Smiley Happy

http://www.saneforums.org/t5/Something-s-not-right/Living-with-depression-is-debilitating/m-p/5369/h...

Can I ask if you would consider taking this issue further, perhaps with a psychologist? 

As you describe your anxiety is contributing to you not being able to enjoy things in life, which can be an identifying factor in diagnosing depression.

Alternatively, it maybe about learning what it is that stops you from experiencing happiness.

A trip to a GP could also assist in this process.

Food for thought...

 

Re: Why do I get so down?

Welcome to the forums.

A lot of our messages are all over the place ... I have difficult making new friends and tend to mask my sadder feelings with a cheery outlook. Often people are wary of making new connections ... they work hard on their childhood friendships and get burned ...

at first I had a lot of difficulty on the rare occasion someone did genuinely enquire that I I covered up my pain again ... working with people has helped me a lot though ... dont underestimate the value you get and give ... at work.

Now I am experimenting with chunking little problems in small parcels so that I can chat about it socially rather than have it blow up all over the place ... and also let people who sense my pain ... in that I appreciate their concern .. but choir 7 minutes breaks... it isnt enough time and sometimes I dont like to talk about it ...  but thanks ... hoping that will enable me make more authentic connections .. that has taken a very long time for me to achieve ... always a work in progress.Heart

Re: Why do I get so down?

One thing I remember is that strange feeling of unhappiness. I did a lot of meditation and that brought a few scary things to the surface for me. Pop into a New Age bookshop and ask them about it.
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