Lived Experience Forum

[oceangirl]

Night @MDT 

Don't overthink things 

[MDT]

hey tabs @TAB
thanks my friend
YEah I feel like I'm getting somewhere at least. Where that is exactly is unknown to me now. I keep walking

Hey @oceangirl
Thanks to you as well 🙂 Trying not to as that can also be a cause for anxiety and depression

[MDT]

People are strange creatures I am noticing. Last weekend I realised I was excluded from a new group I thought I was a member of. That didn't feel good. I also think I've been excluded on purpose by closer friends. But Idk. I don't want to ask and if I am honest I don't really want to know. I'd rather sort myself out than suppress whatever discontentment I have inside me by constantly hanging out with other people and distracting myself.

My first priority however is to move away from my current job. Get out of it. I really do not like it. I really don't like being moved about heaps, I find that the work is itself quite dull and tedious. There's no skills in it and I find it boring. The people are hit and miss. Fortunately where I am atm the people are nice, they are not immature and in their early 20s. Maybe the things that matter most are the things like this hey?

[TAB]

are you sure you aren't self excluding and putting it back on the group @MDT  ?

you say work is boring etc , prob just not worry about what others do and or critiquing job, it is a lot better than what most people have re work requirements and tenure etc. So best to keep it, well until get next one that has to be better I guess. 

End of commentary. lol 

[MDT]

Agreed re work @TAB
Nah they don't invite me. The newer group that is. It is what it is.
It hurts but what can you do?
Meet new people i suppose. Keep trying.

Its probably a good chance to work on my self image and my self esteem at some level. When you've got yourself for company you don't wanna be your own worst enemy.

Time to stop beating myself up about it i guess

[TAB]

you'll get there @MDT 

[MDT]

Just thinking
That this is probably the best position I have been in in life since school finished. That will be 10 years. After getting upset on Sunday I realised that

@TAB

Easy does it

@TAB

[TAB]

that's good that you can reflect and see that @MDT 

[MDT]

Back then I was probably in the darkest moment of my life since I can remember. I thought that I was beyond help and there was no hope for me going forward.

Here I am in 2021 and I have a job (even though I want to leave to something else), been on a couple of dates, travelled, finished my degree and also made some new friends. I guess these days my woes are different. I've spent a lot of time looking into my past and trying to see if I can get an explanation or reveal some home truths about myself and my experiences.

I have spent time in a psych ward, I've been on differing meds, I've spoken to psychologists and psychiatrists. I've spent some time with mental health charities working with them.

These days I want some new challenges and new things in life - it's hard. I have desires to get a new job and to also go back and study again.

Today has been a quiet australia day - I would've liked to have done something social but that's been hard because i have lost some friends, struggled to make new ones, but on balance I have been trying to re establish contact with other friends from the past.

I dunno what I want in life and I have more questions than answers. But I guess I am here still

I will see my psychologist soon for the first session of the year now that I have a new Mental health care plan.

I am trying to do my best and I get the feeling that it isn't enough maybe.

Yesterday I was very depressed. It's a hard time. That's all. 😕

[TAB]

write this down and keep it with you for when things get hard maybe @MDT 

Everyone has bad days, MH or not..