Lived Experience Forum

[lostit]

After getting my life back on track and looking after myself, I find, one day during meditation, that my cousin has turned up. He passed away in 1980 in a terrible accident we were both involved in.

He said "I'm sorry. My mum made me do it." or words to that effect. I told him that it was ok. This has been the central focus of my life, not just for me but many others in my family, I'm sure. Those words meant so much to me that it wasn't long before, once again, I was losing balance and visiting the hotel and drinking a bit too much.

Funny how things like that can catch you unexpectedly and send you off the rails. But I've had to steady myself with weight of the burden; it sort became my anchor, or rudder; a cross to bear, I suppose. I developed my entire existence around it. Having him come to me in that meditation and say those things lightened my load and set me off balance. And I guess that's what got me here, this time around. 

[Appleblossom]

A lightened load is good and yes we then do have to adjust.

It took a long time for my inner monologues to adjust to my changed outer circumstances and start to create a better life based in my current situation.  I am sure my ghosts will continue to visit at odd and maybe inconsiderate hours ... just trying to go Gently Bentley .. with me, my ghosts, and all the people I meet.

Sometimes I can get intense though.

Hope you are doing ok @lostit

[lostit]

Hit the grog pretty hard saturday. Really don't think it's a good idea. I'm a bit clueless now

[Appleblossom]

Awful feelings after over indulgence eventually filter through and helped me kick smoking ... not had as much luck with my other vices

... the intrinsic reward is feeling better ... in our own skins.