Lived Experience Forum

[Cherpieus]

I'm so proud of myself today.

Last night my husband got really angry. Not at me per se but he was sharing some personal experiences with me and he got angry about them. It was quite scary because he slammed on the table with his hand - with his broken hand! He then walked out saying he needed a minute to calm down.

Usually if something like this happens I would go into the bedroom and ball my eyes out. This usually makes things worse because my husband gets annoyed when I cry. I felt the tears come and they started to fall. I took a few deep breaths, told myself to calm down and that how he feels is not my responsibility. I then sat at the piano and forced myself to concentrate on playing a few tunes. It worked. The tears stopped. This has never happened before, usually once they start that's it I can't stop them.

My husband came back inside. I asked if he was ok and he was very short with me. I left him alone for a while longer and then he came good. He even sat and had dinner with me and the kids and asked them how their weekend had been.

Later, he was watching a youtube clip of a horrific event in Ireland which he was present at. He started to cry saying it still torments him. 

I need to remember that his moods are not all about me and my kids. 

[Mazarita]

Well done, @Cherpieus. You were able to empathise with your husband's emotional pain even though he was expressing it in a difficult way. I'm very sensitive too and can be easily rocked by other people's anger or irritability (even though I am sometimes an angry or irritable person in myself). As with your experience, sometimes just giving space and quiet to my partner if he is in an uncomfortable mood brings us closer again later. The same works in reverse, I like quiet and space sometimes too. It sounds like your husband could be going through some very difficult emotions himself. It is good you can recognise that how he feels belongs to him and that you are not to blame. Best wishes for you both.

[Appleblossom]

Great ... I am glad actuve music-making helped .. we have become obssessed with experts and celebrities we forget it is a core part of being human.

Yes distinguishing the issues and allowing for appropriate expression of anger .. is important for adult relationships ...rather than escalations and misunderstandings ...