Lived Experience Forum

[SCORPION]

Hi

The third day in a row I have been totally over taken with just extreme sadness. 

My house is now two extremely depressed people a dog and 29 fish. 

Now that my wife has spiraled down she has just recently been diagnosed with extreme depression I have PTSD depression flashbacks and constantly in physical pain.

I try to put on a happy persona to help my wife but of late we just seem to be triggering each other's problems I can no longer talk things over with her as scared wil just make her feel worse. Due to things my phyc wants to put me on antiphyc meds on top of the rest.

I see him tomorrow to discuss that and other things.  I just want to feel some happiness again just a little bit would do but everything I do see or hear just seems to make me sadder . I try to look forward ie tomorrow will be better .I say this to others and want to beleive it but it is getting harder.

I don't know what to do anymore I don't want more meds I want to feel something again other than what's been happening.  

Anyway thats all does anyone have a method to break the circle. 

Scorpion

[hiddenite]

Hi Scorpion

I understand how overwhelming these feelings are, I worry about the effect this is having on my children. They ask me why I never smile or are never happy.

So the mask goes on but it becomes harder and harder to pretend that everything is ok.

I'm sorry I haven't come up with a solution, no magic pill, or techniques that will suddenly make everything ok. I have started on an anti psychotic less than a week ago and a new SNRI and a couple of others. At this stage from someone who never wanted to be medicated I am prepared to give it a go.

I never want to be back in a place that I put my safety at risk after two incidents last year.

I was also given the option of ECT. But I don't think that would be an option for me.

I'm sorry I'm really not much use to you other than, I understand what you are going through and that you are not alone, people here care a great deal about one another, that's something special.

Hope tomorrow brings some relief, be honest with the psych about how you feel.

I'll be thinking of you.

Take care

Karen

[SCORPION]

Thanks for your support I will keep you posted
Scorpion

[Neb]

Hi Scorpion, that is a dark hole you are currently in....hope things pick up. Breaking the black dog....none of these are easy but they work at least for me...have a shower, I find it incredibly difficult to do this when really low....once I get in, I love it so much, don't want to get out. Drink more fluids...again hard, but being dehydrated does not help, and thirdly go for a walk, and say hello to everyone you meet, just hi....it validates you are real , you do the same to others.

I resisted tablets, also went off them when I felt good. Tablets or quality of life......this wins hands down. I take an ancient anti depressant every day of my life...it is like a vitamin supplement for my brain....easy!

[kenny66]

I take a couple of antipsychotics plus 2 mood stabilisers which work realy well for me. I cant funtion without them and side effects are minimal.

The ECT is very non invasive and gentle and is extremely effective for me in countering depression.

I dont take anti depressants because I personally dont like them and they play up with my other medication.

Having a positive outlook on life is difficult. I get around this by trying to help people much less fortunate than myself and looking after abandoned animals.

This enables me to have a more optimistic view of my own situation.

Kenny

[PeppiPatty]

Like what you write @Neb and @hiddenite

hi @SCORPION

How are you today?
I cannot urge you enough to request Hacc in. Having a carer in once or twice a week is so good for me.
I agree about having a shower what @Neb writes
I'm on huge dose of antidepressants. I get bad headaches and Still can panic all day.

It's a beautiful idea about going for a walk and if you can afford, to force yourself to go to The Art Gallery or museum or just to a cafe and comment on what you see.

I also can't leave my home and get very panicky for days at a time. I force myself to still work only once per week and going to a church /womens outing to the chocolate shop in about a week for the night.....

[SCORPION]

Hi all ok I have seen my doc very indepth session nearly 2 hrs the main points I have avoided more meds but I have to be a really good boy or he will put me in hospital for a " rest " so to say the least I have not been able to tell my wife due to her problems so  have make sure that I take my pills and like it.

Still cant throw the dark cloud around me but putting on a smiling face and hope tomorrow is better. 

Going to go and see if I can get something like sleep without nightmare. 

See you all tomorrow. 

Scorpion

[PeppiPatty]

Hi @kenny66

How are the anti psychotics working ?

[Peer1]

Hey all,

It can be soooo hard sometimes to shake it hey. Especially on medication. Some great suggestions here about shower, walks, saying hello to people, and art galleries etc. 

One thing i noticed I would do when i was down, was delve into media, music, and politics that just affirmed that "shadow" of depression and confirmed things were broken. A good friend said simply one day, go outside and look at the sky, some flowers, and grass and smell the air (i guess in a sense he was suggesting mindfullness) but what i took from it was that I had begung looking only for the ugliness of life on top of already feeling down. It was a kind of weird happiness knowing that the world is a broken place sometimes as well as my own world, but im getting off topic.....

Basically, remember that there are good things in this world too, and one thing that really helps me is the awe of nature. So i watch documentaries on the universe, look for art in nature like flowers, trees, and the artistsc shadows and reflections in water etc. It helps me rememeber that despite the human condition, there is beauty in this world that is healing too.

I hope that makes sense...

:0)

[kenny66]

The antipsychotics are working fine for me.  I have a pretty regimented dosage taken over the full day.

Because its schizoaffective disorder I have to mood stabilising drugs as well as the antipsychotics.

When I was originally diagnosed with schizophrenia (which was the wrong diagnosis) I took only the antipsychotics which took care of the delusions, hallucinations, voices and mania ok but did not deal with the mood issues at all.

So the combination is good. I said earlier that I dont know anyone with schizoaffective who can control this MI without the antipsychotics.

Its a dfficult MI to deal with but you can mange it.