06-03-2016 02:54 PM
Why this illness for us always seems to rear its ugly head on a weekend I will never understand!!! Doesn't it know the mental health team don't work on a weekend??? Doesn't it know family interstate are happy to give advice but not willing to jump on a plane and be here for their own son because it's an inconvenience!!! Doesn't it know that in reality and despite what we all like to say....we are in actual fact alone!!!!! Once again i am in this situation , yes I choose to be in it because my partner of Dix years is a beautiful person but he has a brain disease and most of the time his schizoeffective disorder is only a very small part of who he is but today it's a huge part and it is increasing in size as every day passes, I have never known a weekend to pass so slowly! My saving grace is that tomorrow is Monday and for the first time in his life living with this illness he has actually agreed to take himself to his doctor for a 'top up!'If he doesn't have this he will inevitably be hospitalised like every other time but this time we both want it to be different. He is still able to hold a rational conversation and agree with me that he is becoming unwell... yes he may also being agreeing to appease me but that's fine...just like he says he is only going to see his doc tomorrow to keep ME out of hospital... that's fine too if that's what it takes to get him to comply!!!! I am exhausted, he rambles, I don't want to hear about the berry growing in our yard that is the cure for cancer, I am tired of hearing how lemon peel in his tobacco pouch is helping him smoke less or that we are going to be richer than we could ever imagine after he has built the engine that runs on water only.......yes my partner is a qualified mechanical engineer and can fix anything, even built his own drilling rig for opal mining but enough is enough.... Sorry to sound selfish but I am tired of hearing about it all and just responding with.... That's your reality but it's not mine.... He is okay with that response as we have discussed possible responses when he was well!! Today he finally admitted to hearing voices so once again Monday for me cannot come quick enough sling with another depot!!!!! Sorry to put it all out there but in reality I am alone, his family pretty much don't want the inconvenience and I font want our friends to see him unwell so we are alone!
06-03-2016 04:36 PM
It all sounds like it would be very overwhelming... I cant imagine how much you have dealt with
I have seen in previous posts that your husband has a couple of supports (is it caseworker and psych?) but what about you, it sounds like you dont have anyone else to go to? would you consider getting support from a psychologist?
I am wondering as well, how can we as a community best help you? is it enough to just know that people are here and we will 'hear' you? or can we do more? (suggestions,questions,concerns?)
09-03-2016 08:23 AM
Well I tried!!! I tried to keep my partner at home and care for him whilst working full time but after a weekend of non stop ramblings and wild ideas and accusations I called the ambulance yesterday morning!! Naturally he blames me but that's just his illness talking!! It was a difficult choice to make but I do, admittedly, feel some relief, much sadness but relief as now he can get the adequate care that I simply cannot provide at home. Now I am off to work
09-03-2016 07:35 PM
@Attahua, gosh, sounds like a tough weekend, and after all of it, you to work!
How you doing? How's hubby?
I understand that carers can often feel guilty when they send their loved one off to hospital - its never an easy decision. But from the sounds of it, you did you best. There's only so much you can do at the end of the day.
09-03-2016 09:04 PM
Hello @Attahua, how are you ??My hubby had MI and one day last year , he took himself to the hospital , they ended up taking up to a hospital in the city, hich i found out the next day after a very restless night by myself
I then booked into the redcross in the city to be near him
so i am thinking of you
09-03-2016 09:08 PM
How you doing?
Can I ask how long was hubby in hosp?
09-03-2016 09:33 PM
my hubby was in hospital for a week , but the specialst wanted him to take 3 months off work and the go to the MI team in our local area , but he could not take 3 months off so we cut our workload down by half as we are self employed
10-03-2016 02:41 AM
10-03-2016 07:45 AM
thankyou so much for your responses!!!! It really is therapeutic to wake up and read messages of support from people who have experience and complete understanding, At this stage they are trying to keep my partner local although he is being quite difficult and not particularly compliant about taking his meds. His pyschiatrist, who has only seen him on one occasion and he was well at the time has been quite amazing as he has admitted that having my partner in this new ward which was only built recently and only has six beds, is really showing them where the loop holes are and in his words.... we really need to tighten things up a bit!! What he was referring to of course was the fact that he was not aware that my partner has been on a CTO for the past five years and also that when he is well his caseworker very very rarely saw him where in actual fact he was meant to be seen by his pyschiatrist monthly and the caseworker weekly!!!! I have been fighting that battle to no avail for years so it is refreshing to meet someone who has a little power to make some real changes!!! Also they have said I can take our dog in to visit my partner so I have just said to the nurses to use that as a bit of a carrot on the end of a string....if he is compliant today and takes his meds when requested then I will take his dog in after work!!!! Something else that has come up though which I would appreciate advice on is that for the past year I have been planning to take my 16 year old to Womad this weekend, we have our tickets and will also visit family....when I told my partner's aunt in Melbourne she had a go at me and said it wasn't a priority and what will the hospital think of me just up and leaving to have a two day holiday.... baring in mind I have been trying to contact her for weeks because I suspected something wS amiss with my partner and she clearly never saw it as a priority to answer my calls or more specifically when she was aware he was really unwell on the weekend and knows I have no family support network here, she never picked up the phone once to see how I was surviving the weekend and how her nephew wS managing mentally but now he is in hospital she is in contact everyday and ringing the doctors etc everyday and if he does end up getting flown to the hospital in the city she will fly in and out from Melbs for one day as she has in the past.....but when I have asked for help here in our own... I get no response... Bottom line is....we are going for two days respite and I have asked a friend to come and feed all the animals. Should I be feeling guilty because I do!!?????
10-03-2016 05:07 PM - edited 10-03-2016 05:09 PM
Hi @Attahua wow it sounds like it has been pretty full on for you lately. Glad to hear at least a part of you feels a sense of relief... which shows you probably did the right thing and trusted your instinct to reach out for more help. Do you find work another source or stress, or is it a good distraction from these struggles with your partner? Have you been able to tell your manager about the situation, or is this something you are keeping to yourself? Perhaps you can plan something nice to do for yourself this weekend? You deserve a break Hope to keep in the loop about how things are tracking for you and your partner. Take care of yourself.
If you need urgent assistance, see Need help now
For mental health information, guidance and referrals, see the SANE Help Centre
SANE Forums is published by SANE Australia with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health
SANE Australia ABN 92006533606
PO Box 226 South Melbourne 3205 Australia