Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Attahua]

Hi Archie, you know 'scare plan' was a 'typo but think I may continue to call it just that!!!lol what is E an acronym for?

[coffeegirl]

Hi @jiggles 

I don't think I've seen you around the Forums before - so welcome!

I admire the hard work you have put in for your partner. 8 years is a long time, you must be exhausted.

Have you got a support network? Friends, family and/or a health care professional.

Us carers get so much into the routine of putting ourselves last, and it shouldn't be this way.

Have you spoken to your partner about your concerns of his anger worsening? Or are you concerned that this will cause more problems that it's worth?

What has saved me is finding a counsellor for myself. She was able to validate everything I was feeling - that was half the problem - I felt so guilty for all these negative thoughts about the person I care for, just hearing that what I was feeling was what any other normal human being would be feeling in the same situation, took off so much pressure - and I was able to look after myself.

Once I could focus on myself my main objectives were:

1) Reconnect wth friends and family who made me happy. Those people who you can be yourself around. It brought me so much laughter and happiness having certain people back in my life. Making 'coffee dates' gives me something to look forward to

2) Boundaries. I worked with the person I care for to establish boundaries. Once they are communicated, there's a clear set of expectations for both of us

3) Stopped feeling like I always have to say 'yes' . I would say 'yes' and then get annoyed because I didn't really want to be doing whatever I agreed to be doing and it wasn't helpful for me or the person I care for

It took a while to get there - but #1 was the easiest to achieve. The others took time.

@jiggleswhat you said doesn't sound selfish at all. You need to take care of yourself. Would you consider seeing a professional to help talk some of these things out?

The community members here are pretty good listeners too.

[jiggles]

@Coffee girl thanks for the reply.
We got news a few nights ago that we have to move so ive been an emotional wreck stressing about money and stuff. I had to get yet another loan for us to move but will be glad to be out of this place as it's caused a lot of problems for my partner.
We also made the long drive to visit his parents on Wednesday and I got to have a good chat with his mum and dad about our finances and stuff and it felt good to share the burden . They know he's not good with money. .. but now they know when he asks for financial help from them its not becasue I am a crap budgeter or blow my money on rubbish. They now know the extent of where we're at. I think once we find the right place and move he will be happier. . There are no friends I can recconnect with ... i've lost most of them. I have one or two I occasionally see... which helps but can't spend much more time with them. I'm also upset at potentially not taking the dog with us ( she's not actually ours but a long term foster ) who has been my saviour and companion and I feel horrible at maybe having to abandon her. So ive been very upset over that. She's been my pillar of strength. ( I know it's a dog but hey... don't judge). Once we do find somewhere and move I think thinks will settle and we will be able to see his new gp ( they keep leaving ) to get a new referral to a psychologist. I'm not in a position to see one as I work full time I cannot afford the cost .

[coffeegirl]

Hi @jiggles 

I definitely wouldn't judge your attachment to your dog. Pets are part of the family, a source of love and wellbeing.

No wonder things are tough at the moment. So much up in the air. Uncertainty is testing at the best of times.

I'm really glad to hear that your partner's mum & dad are being helpful. Is there anyone else in your support network who you can rely on?

It seems like you can see a light at the end of the tunnel and some positives of this whole situation, which is great. Do you have to move far from your current location?

CG

[Archie]

Hi Attuhua

Oh dear I apologise for the "typo".  EAP is Employee Assistance Program.  It is worth asking at your work if one is available.

Archie