Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[MrsC]

Hi all

 My husband has had a diagnsis of major dpression only weeks ago, i have been trying to get him to some kind of help for about a year. Luckily he finally agreed to go to counselling with me & the psychologist picked it up. Took me another month to get him into a GP's office, where hes now being treated for a sleeping disorder with anti depressants.

I feel we really need to get him to a proper psych assessment & I'm giving him a referral form for an assessment to take to his next weekly GP appointment. Even if is a second opinion & the psychiatrist totally agrees with everything. The counsellor & myself think that Bipolar II is still on the table & the GP has only seen him in depression, not up & hasn't even talked to me. hes crashed a car which i found outwas not insured 7 then went & bought another that we dont need while it was in the shop.

As things are getting clearer slowly I have looked back in a dairy where I was so confused I started keeping a diary of his behaviour before i asked him to leave for a weekend after I found out he'd gone out of the marraige for "someone who listens". I have found that back in May he did talk of being in  a bad place & not knowing how he didn't go to our local bridge & just jump off.

Now hes been refusing to come back, which to be homest is not a bad thing in the short term as I don't have to deal with his anger, blame & on medication rapid mood swings. I almost think his up is worse than his down. At the moment he has a down for a few hours in the middle of the day & has to walk around the block to get thru what is about a couple of hours feeling  like that.

We are still in counselling once a week & he is turning up. i had to get medicated myself once i asked him to leave & that will go to Xmas. I'm getting stronger & negotiating his behaviour to come home (I ned to hear him tell the other woman that he wont see or communicate with her out of the office as hes said its over more than once).I've gone from crying 4 times a week due to his behaviour & anger and having to take sleeping medication to getting upset on the weekends & turning to do something for me.

We date on the weekends but at the moment most weekends something "goes wrong" & he doesn't turn up for the whole or part of that time.  

Is there any way to get him to a psych assessment without a GP referral? I have told him that i feel we are in a bad or unsafe place I will need to make the call to our nearest emergency department which has a psychiatric emerency centre too but i wont do that unless I really need to & if hes not with me with the phone off i might not know.

Everything is a daily rollercoaster, i feel as tho I'm hanging on by my fingernails & jsut as I decide I can't hold on any more we take a tiny step forward!

[JT]

Hi MrsC, sounds like you are in a really tight corner!  Really hope that above all you are getting the help you need to cope with this.  He really does need the referal and honestly no one but him can make him do it.  

[CherryBomb]

Hi MrsC,

It sounds the relationship is pretty up and down, which is creating pain and stress for you. I'm glad to hear that you're getting support. You've been really resourceful, staying in contact with a counsellor and seeking support on here, and it's great hear that you have firm boundaries about what is needed for him to come home.

Has your counsellor given you any advice about gettng your husband treatment? Like what, JT mentioned, generally your husband can only get an assessment if he is willing. As the old saying goes, you can drag a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. 

When it comes to involuntary psych assessments, they can only usually be done if someone is at immediate risk of harming themselves or another person. In these instances, you can can contact emergency services on 000 or the pyschiartric triage at your local hospital. 

It can really wear people down when they are trying to help someone who doesn't want help.  If your husband is not ready to get help for himself and change, it can be helpful to draw focus back to yourself, and look at what changes you can make yourself. Remember to take some time to care for you. 

Has anyone else got any suggestions for MrsC?

CB

[MrsC]

He has the form for an assessment only to confirm diagnosis & comments on management plans. He would still be managed in the community. I have said I believe we need to cast the diagnosis net wide & then pull the net in rather than going step by step. I also said I wanted him to see an expert in the field, no disrespect to GP’s but if it was cancer or a broken leg they would refer on.  We really can’t afford to be in the same place in a couple of years’ time. If this is depression caused by sleep disorder I will be ecstatic but my gut is telling me it’s not. This weekend he remembered he had been here before 30 years ago. He’s more willing to get an MRI of his head, but I know he hears me & usually he does listen to me when it’s about something serious.  I think at this stage he is probably frightened that he’ll never get better.

thanks for the support, sorry about the spelling etc last night 

[MrsC]

Sorry CB -the counsellors advice was to get him to the GP in the first instance but now is encouraging him to seek an assessment

[Camelia]

For years I had tried to get my son to counselling, or psychologists as I could see the path he was on was leading to self-destruction with drug abuse plus events in his life that he had difficulty coping with - death of friends by car accidents and other personal means.  

I finally took out an Involuntary Treatment Order which is a form you can obtain online which has to be completed by you and witnessed by a JP.  It is then submitted to the Magistrates Court.  It may vary from State to State in Australia - I am in Qld.

You are right to call the Ambulance if you think he will self-harm - as I did with my son many times.  And it helps if you mention all those instances in the ITO.  In my son's case it was obvious that he needed help as he was by that time psychotic and paranoid so when the Ambulance and Police went in on the ITO they could clearly see he needed treatment.

I just joined the forum recently too as - Dealing with Denial thread - and have found many comments useful.  The most useful ones to me are:

- it is his own journey, and I can try to help but need to keep myself healthy and happy in order to provide that help.

- sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better

- there is always someone out there willing to listen to you and offer you support.

[Hobbit]

Hi MrsC,

I just read your post and I really feel for you. It really sounds like such a difficult situation. Unfortunately, JT's and Cherrybomb's comments are probably true, in that you can't make someone seek help if they don't want it. But I do think Camelia's comments are good, perhaps mentioning your fear for his safety could help the cause.

I know in NSW there is a government tollfree number you can get some advice from. If you can tell me which state you are in I would be happy to see if there is a similar service.

Does anyone have any other ideas for MrsC??

Hobbit.

[MrsC]

Thank you all & thank you Camelia for reminding me about that. I really need to prioritise me; instead of running after him all the time I’ll start tell him he knows where I am. Here’s hoping the GP signs off on the assessment on Monday!  I’m Ok tonight thanks to Camelia – hope all you out there are OK tonight too xxx

[Hobbit]

That's really good to hear MrsC. Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.This forum is full of people who care.

Hobbit.

[PeppiPatty]

Good support JT