Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Pen]

Hi All,

Good to find this space with people who understand! My husband has major depression. He has tried various medication combinations over many years as well as inpatient treatment programs. He is currently an inpatient undergoing a course of ECT. I guess there are two issues I wanted to discuss.

The first is my feelings of disempowerment when he is in having treatment. I never feel as if I'm a part of the information or decisions that are made. I find the system seemingly inconsiderate of family members who are, after all, the ones who provide the key support & pick up the pieces when the person is at home. I understand about my husbands right a s the patient to make decisions that affect him, but sometimes feel he is not really in a good position to make the best decisions.

Second thing: my husband has issues with addiction - mainly purchasing items, particularly online or running up big phone bills from purchasing game updates or extra data. We have had many discussions about this and each time I feel as if we have put things in place to manage it and limit his access, things settle for a while and then it occurs again. I am finding this very stressful as he is not working & it puts a big drain n our finances. When we discuss it, he talks about being a failure and letting me down and now I would be better off without him etc etc. I have assured him I love him & want to be with him but I am at a loss as to how to help him but also help myself as this is not a sustainable situation.

I wonder if anyone has suggestions for where I might go for assistance or what kind of assistance might be helpful for us both?
Look forward to your ideas!

[Alessandra1992]

Hi Pen, welcome to a space to find support for you! First thing I would like to suggest is that you request time to meet with the hospital's Carer Consultant. Also ask if your husband has met with the Consumer Consultant..both of these people are there to give information and get feedback from you both into the service

I would suggest you contact carers Vic and tandem. www.tandem.org.au. Peak body for carers. Also Arafmu and MIF and MIND offer carer support groups or programs. As well as support for your husband. I would suggest you link into a community mental health support service for him, in Victoria there are centralised Intake and Assessments numbers, who will help your husband navigate into a service that can help him.

If you can let us know whereabouts in Australia you are, other members will list relevant agencies, websites or strategies for you..

[NikNik]

Welcome to the forums @Pen  and sharing

I have heard many people who play the role of carers talk about not being included in the person they care for's treatment. @Alessandra1992 's advice is great!

I think I remember @PeppiPatty  mentioning she was in a similar situation, - is that right @PeppiPatty  ?

We have a moderator, @Hobbit , who is from ARAFMI NSW - he might have some tips for you next time he's online.

Again, welcome & thanks for being so open and sharing your experience.

Nik

[Pen]

Thanks Sandy for your info. I spoke with staff at the hospital - it is a private clinic providing psychiatric services but does not have any carer support services. It has some outreach services for patients but the support seems very limited.
I have the numbe for Carers Vic so will definitely give them a call. I am interested in the community mental health support service so will follow this up too.
I am located in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne in case others may have suggestions.

Many thanks for your prompt reply

Pen

[Pen]

Thanks Nik! Nice to come to a positive supportive place! 😊

[PeppiPatty]

Thanks NikNik for remembering myself on ignoring carers ; hospitals and doctors/nurses/psychiatrists ignoring carers/ loved ones.
I haven't gotten used to that email thing attached to my name yet......

Pen ...in my state in Australia, the State Law on recognising the role of the carer has been rewritten. I think if you call the state Parlimentary place, you can request a paper of the law stating the authorities are legally obliged to listen to you.

often, when I speak to people in authority concerning anything from my housing complex to .........seeing my doctors, I begin with stating my role. Then drop in sentences of the legal terms of the state law concerning carers.

So you could say; hello. My name is Jo Bloggs. I am the full time carer of Mr Jo Blogs. And as I am sitting here,,,, required by the state law......as his fulltime carer.......and as stated on page 1. That all carers are to be listened to and............and then state your concern.

[Alessandra1992]

Hi Pen, I think NEAMI or EACH may be running the Intake and Assessment service for your area.

[Pen]

Thank you for all of this info! I will follow it up this week as it seems like my husband may come home at the end of the week. I have spoken with him about making contact here and we both feel we need to surround ourselves with support for both our sakes. Thankyou again!

[PeppiPatty]

sandy, Nik Nok myself....isn't it nice to be around like minded people.....
all that I have personally learned lhas taken. A very longtime with many any mistakes but ....my pet upset is that carers are seen as invisible by many professionals. I used to thnk it's because ' professionals were overworked. Now, it's that I feel are ignorant.

[Hobbit]

Hi Pen,

Thought I would write too and say welcome to the forums!! You certainly have some good advice there from @PeppiPatty and @Alessandra1992 and @NikNik !!!

But I think the most imprtant thing you have here is some connection with people who can relate to you, empathise with you, understand you, and basically really care.

I agree with justanother47 - I hear to often how carers seem to just get "pushed away" into the background, and from my own experience, one of the main things a carer wants is often simply to "be heard".

And you can certainly be heard here!!

Hobbit.