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Agnes1
Contributor

My sister, Jane, suffers severe anxiety and dety pressions for years

Janes often been suicidal. She's on lots of medication and changes some ftom time to time as she feels they don't work well enough or have side effects. She's very overweight and spends her life sleeping or sitting. I've encouraged her to go for help when I can, but she doesn't follow up with therapists' recommendations. I've helped her at times with house chores, mainly washing up as she doesn't do it for months! It ends up a horrid job. Janes mived house 4 times within the past 5 years and I had to do the bulk of arranging and physical work for it. Her 17 year old son, Daniel, suffers ADHD and lives a similar life to Jane. Their general hygene isn't the best these days. Lately I worry about the way I feel about them. Ive resigned myself to the fact Jane could suicide any time. I feel overwhelmed with guilt as id be expected to take Daniel in and wouldn't cope with that. He rarely goes to school and is very stubborn. I've had family issues of my own and as much as I love them I'm feeling drained and need to get on with my life. I know I don't fully understand what Janes going through and she doesn't understand what I'm going through caring for her. I'm just feeling despondent.

7 REPLIES 7

Re: My sister, Jane, suffers severe anxiety and dety pressions for years

Title meant to read anxiety and depression.

Re: My sister, Jane, suffers severe anxiety and dety pressions for years

Hello @Agnes1

Sounds like a few dilemnas.

I guess you are a bit older than your sister .. You dont have as much ethical responsibility as a parent. Not sure if it all should fall on your shoulders. Cant you get council workers get involved ... maybe you can use your caring role .. to help her access services in the community, rather than keep doing her dirty work.

I have visited a serious hoarder with Vinnies and it can get very difficult.

I was a little afraid my son would be like that and have been gradually focussing on him cleaning up his act and his room.  It has involved me caring to make sure He DOES it .. not me ... It is often easier to do jobs myself ... but I have finally stopped that and I am picking them one by one .. and waiting and expecting proper follow through ... and being nice and not losing my cool .. but standing firm.

I cant stand firm on everything because I am physically disabled .. but I can on one thing ... gradually our arrangement is improving.

I lived with constant suicide threats from brother and sister .. it is awful and wearing ... whatever you think is a response to a terrible situation ... that is not to say your sister is a terrible person .. I never feel that way .. but sometimes "helping"  does not help ...

Take care.

You can click in the Subject box and fix up the title if you want.

Re: My sister, Jane, suffers severe anxiety and dety pressions for years

Thankyou apple blossom for replying. I'm 11 yrs. older than my sister. I've tried asking for help in the community, but there's nothing. I've left things to her for a while at times and don't do regular housework for her, but when the washing up isn't done for 6 months and she gets very low I have done it. I know I shouldn't do it, but I worry she'll suucide. I feel so guilty and selfish that it's not just about being heartbroken if she died, it's now because I couldn't cope taking on my nephew, although I love him. He's not a nasty person, just difficult to live with. They're in a housing Commision place and he wouldn't be allowed to stay if she wasn't there. It's my bizarre thinking I know! My sister is a good natured person and we get on very well. But She is stubborn and it's hard to convince her of some things. She takes a very negative side of any therapy she's had and sets herself up for failure big time. I've got close to telling her and my nephew exactly how I feel and ive had enough of trying to do stuff for them. But I feel Jane shall get worse if I left everything to her. I have arthritis in my hands and feet and I've had a few traumas the past 2 years, but am managing to get on with life. I have great kids and friends. I feel for you too having a disability and having a lot on your plate. I appreciate your help. Have a great day. Thankyou.
Also I couldn't find how to edit my first post. 😊

Re: My sister, Jane, suffers severe anxiety and dety pressions for years

Hi Agnes. Wow, you do have some serious issues here. Have you tried discussing with your sisters Dr what's happening? I think perhaps you should try talking to him/her, first. I know there is a Dr/patient confidentiality clause, but in certain circumstances, this is waived, this situation definitely needs help from professionals. As long as the rent's paid, the place looks reasonable, the housing commission seldom step in, unless, as you say, something happens, then your nephew would be 'out', quick-smart. You could also mention to the Dr about the medication she's prescribed, but refuses.

Re: My sister, Jane, suffers severe anxiety and dety pressions for years

We share the same doctor and I've discussed My sister with her many times. She knows it's hard for me, but doesn't offer any advice for me. She has referred my sister to a psychologist, but she didn't go for long. She prescribes Her antidepressants, stilnox and anti anxiety meds. She takes all her meds. My sister has stayed at a mental health clinic a couple of times, but wont follow up on their recommendations. I'm seeing my dr. Soon anyway so I'll talk to her about it again. There doesn't seem to be much more she can do. It's sad how my sister has the pension for her illness and all this medication, but I wish there was mandatory follow up for her too. Thankyou for your reply. 😊

Re: My sister, Jane, suffers severe anxiety and dety pressions for years

Hi Agnes. Could you possibly be named as Power Of Attorney, so you could start making some decisions regarding her mental state. This would give you better leverage getting her the help she needs. I'm actually rather surprised she isn't being monitored with her medication. When you're dealing with stubbornness which seems to be the case here, often it's a 'lead a horse to water' feeling, where no matter what you do, you seem to be 'up against it' with every turn. Perhaps you could try contacting the psych your sister saw and ask him/her for some guidance. Even though your sister didn't see the psych for long, it may have been long enough for the psych to get an opinion. If you could 'pull rank' and have her admitted to a hospital, she would have to accept the medication, she would be monitored and at least get some help, which would be a huge help for you. If you could prove your sister is incapable of making rash decisions which also seem to be the case here, POA, would be automatic.

Re: My sister, Jane, suffers severe anxiety and dety pressions for years

Thankyou Pip. I shall look into this. 😊
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