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isabella
Contributor

My life is an Acronym

Hi All,

Well ... you gotta laugh really. Smiley Happy

My life at the moment in a nutshell - acronyms rule as do jokes...

My favourite one is to do with an my relationship - Aspie male + BPD/ADHD chick + shared PTSD and manic depression = FUN FUN FUN on a daily rollercoaster.

Talk about push/pull/leave/don't leave/I hate you/I hate me/help me/hold me....

As if I don't have enough with regulating/understanding myself, I also need to understand Aspergers' and manage our relationship a lot more than neurotypical couples...

Lucky I love him .. as much as I can.... poor man.

Anyone else in similar relationships with challenging mental health combinations?

How do you cope? I have been told by a counsellor that it is not my 'job' to research/learn and help manage my partners Apsergers/PTSD/Depression ... and I get that... but life is easier if I understand where the behaviour is coming from! And reduces the impact on me and enhances our relationship .... Anyone else have similar thoughts or situation?

7 REPLIES 7

Re: My life is an Acronym

@isabella I am not in a relationship and mainly because of the sentence you wrote, 'push/pull/leave/don't leave/I hate you/I hate me/help me/hold me roller-coaster life that I put my partner thru. I didn't know then that I was reacting strangely due to a MI. Now I grieve what I managed to so easily destroy. I wonder if it would be different now.

Re: My life is an Acronym

Hi @isabella 

welcome to the forums

i know all about acronyms and relationships.....

my last relationship which has now broken down - long story

But i have bipolar, anxiety, depression, a undefined mood disorder, my ex, had undiagnosed ptsd, adhd, narcolepsy, cataplexy, anxiety, depression, bipolar?, personality disorder? phobias

it was such an interesting concoction, and you are right about the push/pull/leave/don't leave etc etc, I always would throw myself headlong into finding out what i could and how best to go about things for her, i tended to put myself on the backburner alot, which in turn made me miss some very big warning signs of my own issues.

what i would change if i could would be to make sure that i put myself first, looked after my health and managed my symptoms, instead of trying to mask them with everything else, by working on myself, i would have been more self aware to the fluctuations, been more on top when i was struggling, and in turn been more available to help better.....

but like everything it comes down to you and making sure you are doing the best for you first,

Learning/research is not a job, but it is nice to know what to look out for and what to be aware of.

hope this helps

thank you

Re: My life is an Acronym

@isabella 

 

Hi Isabella

I'm Rick.

Your doc is right is not your responsibility but it can certainly be your pleasure, or your gift of love.

I don't think it hurts to understand mental illness. or spectrum related disorders. Having a handle of the psychoneurology can make the condition easier to understand and accept.

 

Go for it!

 

As I am a bachelor these days and plan to remain so I have no input to add to your enquiry, except to say Bon Chance and hang in there

 

Hope eendures

 

rick

Re: My life is an Acronym

Hi @isabella 

I can relate to what you say. You may want to read this thread on the Carer's forum. 

Best of luck with it - it can be very hard work.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

Re: My life is an Acronym

Hi @peace ... (nice name). I too lost a relationship that was really detrimental to my MH ... and we didnt stand a chance coz I was reacting to life and past issues without knowing how/what/why. I just drank a lot and cried a lot. lol. but when I left that r'ship 2 years ago it was the start of a new me - and I too grieve for what I helped destroy. But, as I said to him ... with my BPD etc undiagnosed we didnt stand a chance - and - I believe there is always 50/50 responsibility.

I chose to now believe I did not destroy that r'ship .. I nearly destroyed me but WE didn't last.

I hope that perhaps you can find peace in that if you were undiagnosed, you were really powerless. Of course it would be different - you know a lot more about yourself. But what you cannot change is the person you were with ... and in my case he wasn't the best option for me. xxx

Re: My life is an Acronym

Hi @kato yep .... learning to manage yourself first others second is the best way to go... others you become your partners therapist/mother etc ...I find that my partner is calmer when I am calmer and affectionate and 'present'. And, given I was the first to realise he has aspergers, he realies on me in some ways to help manage 'us' .... hopefully with couple counselling that will change as well.

All for growth. Thank you for commenting and sharing.

xx

Re: My life is an Acronym

Hi Rick. I agree - having an understanding of the disorder can help a lot if you are that way inclined. 😉

And ... i swear if this r'ship does not work ... and it is in many ways the best I have ever had ... I will be a cat lady....

🙂
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