Lived Experience Forum

[Decadian]

Hi Peeps

I sent my uncle and aunt and email a couple of weeks back - they were away so they only just got in and replied this evening

When I wrote to them I told them I was going to Hobart for a few days in January or February - and I badly want to go out and see them while I am staying in Sandy Bay - like Hobart Central - and there is so much to do there I am looking forward to it

But there is something going on in their lives that is important and I can't say what it is - but it will be a huge drain on both of them - particularly my uncle - and they can't plan anything during that time

Aw - my uncle is a frail elderly man who is losing his vision - he not only retired he has handed back his licence to practise - and that is a big deal - and he has been seriously ill a couple or more times in the last year and I am afraid I might not see him again before he dies - and he is among the most important people in my life - so many years of unbroken contact through all my life - and I would like to have a short time with both of them and talk about old time and have one of those great conversations as I did with my father just before he died

Having this terribly important thing happening is taking a priority - but hell - he's family - I feel smashed - he is like a big brother - he means so much to me

So I will go to Hobart - and hopefully see him - they hope I will understand - and I do - but I feel hurt and angry that whoever caused what is going on - it's official business - people indulge in bad behaviour and so anyone involved has to come out of retirement and say what they know

My father had to do the same about something else - and I know I have been involved in this sort of thing myself that might mean I have to appear on the side of right and good - but Dad was elderly and frail as is my uncle and this is not at all fair - after all - family is the most important - no one would be here to testify if it was not for family

I am feeling really unhappy tonight

Decadian

@BlueBay@Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope@utopia@Zoe7@Shaz@Appleblossom-  I am tired and discouraged and I run out of names - I will add some more as I go along

[Former-Member]

Hi @Decadian

Sorry to hear that they might not be able to see you. Hopefully when you're there, they'll feel up to a visit anyway. Sounds like something very complex and draining for them and it will have a big impact on them and all of their family (including you!) 😞 

I think its reasonable to feel upset and hurt that they havent said straight away that they'll see you, as you are family and obviously feel close to them. i'm sorry that you're hurt!

LJ

[Decadian]

Thanks @Former-Member

I do feel very unhappy - I talked to LIfe Line for a long time tonight - and felt better after it - but these important official issues have priorities and it doesn't matter how people will miss family members who might die from the stress such events place on them

My head and my heart are  all jumbled up - I reach out to the people who are important to me - I notice I am always the one doing the reaching out - is this me? Is it because the problems in my mother's family leaked into Dad's family - it hurts a lot - I have been on the edge of things for most of my life and that's okay - I am in good company really

But yes - a bit of something like this - we don't know how involved we will be with all of this when the sh*t hits the fan but maybe you can come at the weekend if you plan to be in Hobart then" or "We'd love you to come - but....."

I am very easily pushed away - I need to protect myself - but my uncle means more to me that any hurt feelings

Tough - I am so glad I have the Forum Family here

Dec

[Former-Member]

aww @Decadian hugs for you. I'm glad you were able to talk it out/through with Life Line. 

i'm a bit the same, i never need pushing away twice because i've usually run a mile after the first time. But you must have reason to be close, so hopefully that will be honoured more than this other stuff. Will you be able to be there during a weekend? 

lj

[utopia]

@Decadian. I'm so sorry this is the response you received.
We expect an open arm greeting - but sometimes their arms are crossed.
It may not be their fault. It may simply be - really bad timing.
But it hurts you. And it's okay to feel that & to say that out loud.
Unfortunately they cannot make plans, for whatever reason. But I'm an optimist. I believe you will go to Hobart & you will fit in with their timetable, their schedule & you will get to spend time with your wonderful Uncle.
In the meantime, it's okay to feel hurt and disappointed.
Can you write it down? Journal it?

[Former-Member]

Hi @Decadian 

thinking of you

sending you lots of hugs

thanks for your support here - it means a lot to me

[Faith-and-Hope]

Awww ..... @Decadian .....

Adding myself to the group hug happening here ....

I'm with @utopia .... I expect something will work itself out for you, but that doesn't help with the way you are feeling in this moment ....

Sending forum family love your way ❣

❤️💕💐🌷🐠💋💜

[Former-Member]

Hi @Decadian

Sorry to hear your planned family trip is going pear shaped. There is not much I can add to what others have said, but I do hope you will be able to spend time with your family even if it is meeting for a dinner and having a nice exchange.

We had similar situations with my husbands family and after decades of trying we have ceased contact for our own health. Drastic measures but we had some extremly disappointing meetings.

Take care and loads of hugs x

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Former-Member ....

Nice avatar ❣
All the best for the new year ....

More hugs @Decadian ....

[BlueBay]

Oh @Decadian I'm sorry that you're hurting so much. And that you may not get to see your uncle. But I feel that what @utopia said is true that once you're there they will be able to see you even if it's only s short time.
I'm sorry @Decadian you're hurting so much I truly understand what you're going through and how hurt you must be feeling. I feel your pain I wish I could give you a big big hug ❤️❤️
I really hope that when you get to Hobart things will work out.
Thinking of you Dec my friend. Hugs to you xxxoo💕💕