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Re: Living with absence

So pleased that you found that wonderful love that emanates from many carers...

not all..some are bitter sadly..

 

something for you to look forward to @Krishna 

Yes...I wish that I knew you in real life...not to go over and over the tragic stories of our children even though  adults always our children..

To have that unspoken connection would be so powerful..

 

The waves of energy have brought us together and we have this form of connection..

We also have the shared love of our gardens..

 

I have not managed to get outside today...too many phone calls and medical appointments for self..mainly husband to check up on..

Phone calls...blech..

 

Son very abusive on phone yesterday because I would not drop everything and drive an hour and a half to take him to pick something up that he can do withing a third of the time by catching a bus..

I just do not have the energy or strength to do it..

I have had to force myself to set boundaries...move the goal posts..to save my sanity...also taking into account the strain that has been placed on my husband and younger son..

 

Rest up...be gentle with yourself also..

another carer friend Sophia xx

Re: Living with absence

Thank you @Sophia1 on advice to be gentle on myself. Early night for me as totally drained. Hoping you rest well too after a busy day xxx 

Re: Living with absence

Hello @Krishna 

 

I have been feeling quite blech for over a week now.. Some days worse than others..

 

I am so very exhausted and drained from lack of proper sleep.

When I  get up I have that horrible weighed down feeling from medication....

I am normally a morning person so I think  that makes it worse...sensing that it is not me..

 

Have a carers lunch today which I am in two minds about..

I also had my second pfizer which would also be adding to headache and sore arm..

Sound like I am whining now..

I just feel so awfully flat..

 

How are you enjoying your new support group?

I have made some lovely  friends through carers.. 

 

Son has started ringing me at about midnight... must be sleeping in more during the day and waking up later...

Answered a couple of times ...last night just could not...

 

I have not been out in the garden for about four days as have been busy with appointments or just too wet and or windy..

This also affects me..

Will make an effort tomorrow if rain not too heavy..

How is your garden/gardening at the moment?

 

Well must get ready for outing..

Hopefully some self talk will lift me up somewhat..

 

Sending you some sunshine 💛

as well as some to myself...might help..

Sophia

 

 

Re: Living with absence

Hi @Sophia1  Seems we've been on the same ride this past week. Me too, feeling very flat, anxiety override at times and just plain lethargic. Still waiting to hear from Carers group as to when the next meeting is but start grief counselling tomorrow which I'm sort of looking forward to but not as will no doubt have to relive everything yet again so they get the picture. Monday is a phone appointment on education around schizophrenia and hoping it gives me some insight into my girls lack of connection with me. A good find though was a book I've started reading by Dr Claire Weekes - Self help for your nerves. Good methods to learn how to relax and enjoy life by overcoming fear and stress. Getting a good insight into the pattern of anxiety. We've had rain here since Monday so garden is simply drinking it all up and looking forward to a sunny weekend to get back out there. Tripping over my feet being stuck inside but braved the elements yesterday and went for a good walk. I'm sorry you've had such a rough week but I'm glad you're getting yourself out today for a change of scenery and company. Probably will do you the world of good. I think today I will try and avoid the lounge, although such a snuggly feeling laying there listening to the rain. Really have to change my mindset and start or complete a task. Have a beautiful day and talk soon. 🙏❤️

Re: Living with absence

Hi @Sophia1  Thinking if you my friend and hoping you're feeling a little better this week. Sending love and a little sunshine your way. 🙏🌻🌼

Re: Living with absence

@Krishna 

 

So sorry, I did not notice notification of post before and only saw last post..

 

I think that I am going backwards...thanks to the medical world..

 

I have managed to make a mess of responding to others on the far side (lived experience)

a further indication of being misunderstood...not heard....having to explain myself over and over again and again..

 

will try to respond tonight

have another medical appointment soon...

 

if not tomorrow

 

nice to find your reply 

Sophia

Re: Living with absence

Sorry @Krishna 

I had 4-5 day flu like symptoms and head pain reaction from 2nd Pfizer..

Have since had draining medical appointments .. not good experiences

Family member psychosis more prevalent during phone calls

I think that I am sinking again

I hope you find these new opportunities helpful 

Have 't spent much time at all in the garden 

hope to on Saturday 

helping younger son with his garden on Sunday 

 

time to try to get some sleep 

 

take care

Sophia🌻🌼🌸

Re: Living with absence

Hey @Sophia1  Im sorry life's roller coaster ride is on the downward run at present and hoping it starts travelling up hill again as it eventually will. Rest well my friend and always here for a chat and support. 

Re: Living with absence

Good morning @Krishna 

 

I am sorry that I can only write with a doom and gloom voice..

 

My depression and anxiety are high again....I am so very tired and drained..

 

I feel let down by several medical professionals who just do not listen..

 

I have been told to continue to stand up for myself as I have been doing for several years.

The result is that I am constantly trying to explain myself in different ways to be heard. This is so exhausting as I have to push through the anxiety  that rears it's ugly head every time I am not listened to..

At the same time I am bending over backwards to let the organisations know that I do not want people to get into trouble I just want to give feedback so that further training can occur...I do not believe that it is always the fault of the person who becomes defensive and is not trained in receiving constructive criticism as opposed to a flat complaint..

 

Management are worse ...end result I am the one being asked to understand them...

Tears fall often...Then there is a big fuss.

Only for that person to follow on and make the same mistake that keeps on occurring each year that I go back..

This is the last time that I will be using them even though they are a preferred provider..

Setback in living in hills...close to rural areas..

 

I have a lunch with my carer friends today...

This is a small group of 5 that I formed as an offshoot about 18 months ago....

We are all quietly spoken...mostly they do not talk over other than when we are all falling in a heap laughing...which is the best medicine out there.

Often I provide some of the entertainment with my stories of where I got lost and ended up on each occasion..

stress and fog brain...overload...inflate my no sense of direction...throw in roadworks...drivers tailgating...new building ...I don't recognise quickly where I am..

 

I am realising more and more that I do have a photographic memory....this explains why visual is so important to me when my brain is in self protect mode..

 

I think this concept also hampers my communication in this form...

hence struggles with explaining myself over and over in different ways to reassure some..

 

I also think listening and being heard..dismissed are a huge piece of the foundation of my on and off illnesses.

I myself spend so long listening so intently to my terrified son in psychosis on the phone...holding onto every minute that I have with him..

Sometimes I reach him and I know that it is him answering...I feel then that I have been able to be his mum again for him...holding him while he hurts...

Then the silences in between phone calls...

Then the harrowing calls where the content I just cannot listen to is heartbreaking..

 

I dont have the energy to get ready for outing today and am very close to pulling out as am so very teary...

 

This has turned into another composition..

Another sign of trying to explain..

 

I realise that yoo would give anything just to hear her voice...

life is so cruel and challenging..

then we suddenly have a moment of sheer joy from the most innocent sight of a bud opening into a beautiful flower..

 

I imagine that you wish that you had not offered a listening ear and support now..

 

 

apologies again..

I hope that your new adventures work well for you..

 

please do not allow my low state of mind affect yours..

 

take care

Sophia 

 

Re: Living with absence

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