I posted a few days ago and got a couple of replies, of which were welcomed. One from someone who has lived with someone with mental illness and understood from that point of view and one who has recovered and bettered her overall outlook on life. It's good to have a perspective from both sides.
Unfortunately, my predicament remains. My mother was sectioned for 8 weeks, after multiple seizures (not-epileptic) over 5 years leading to psychosis, aggression and severe memory loss. The tests all came back negative for anything medically related ... no tumours, anomalies, nothing ... just sedation, medication and being put on a mental health ward with patients screaming, running around and general chaos. You could say she fit in well on admission, but then, she changed ...
It was almost like she had a "light bulb moment" where she knew she shouldn't be there. Started telling my father to take her home, they were holding her captive, she wasn't ill. She told my dad "Get me out of here in one-hour or our marriage is over", then pretended to be asleep, but on occasion squinted her eye open to check her watch. She had an awareness right there of what she was doing. Was all this for real or just the motions of mental health and the manipulation that can be attached to it?
Brief back story again, for those who didn't read my war and peace, my mum has been melodramatic, manipulative, victim orientated, bluffed suicide, been malicious on and off, opinionated, self-absorbed and childish for most of my life. I became her mother for many years, encouraging her to seek help to no avail, and then quit that role and moved 10,000 miles away to save my own mental health. True story.
What I have seen in the last 5 years, with all the admissions, ambulances, scans, EEGs and multiple tests that have all resulted in nothing, just makes me think that she has got out of control. I am angry at her, sometimes I feel hate and resentment. When my father told me she was "perhaps going into special care" some 4 weeks ago because it was for the best, I have to say it was the first time I smiled and was happy. I almost could say that I was excited for my dad. Finally, after years of TRYING to tell the family that she was unstable, people were listening and it felt good. She made a deal with the Devil and the Devil delivered far more than she bargained for. It would release my father from the burden of her incessant clinging and attention, and he could come and see his family again (we've not seen each other for 5 years).
Then, all of a sudden, just in the last few days, dad says "She's back home, with at-home therapy and care". I near exploded last night with this revelation. She'd done it again! Managed to manipulate everyone and we all bow down and tread softly around her again. WTF!?? 5 years of the complete runaround to end up back at the beginning again. What? She ran out of Oscar winning performances? She had me believing she was dying, my dad said she'd never recognise me ever again, she was going into special care to then ... there's a light out there and the neurologist claims to have seen it before and it'll just take time for her to recover ....FROM WHAT? My mum doesn't know how to be normal, so where is that outcome coming from? How does someone who has spent 50 years of their life, getting what she wants and creating drama, just pop back to "There's mum!". I don't know who that is? Surely she doesn't know who that person is either?
I apologise to anyone that may find this rant a little unsettling, but I speak my truth. I am so angry right now. Five years of turmoil, not seeing my father, watching him bend over backwards for her, and leaving years of mental health to go unattended to end up back here. So, tell me, is there this wonderful cure for a 75 year old who knows no better?
Yes, her mother was a narcissist too, so I can see the traits clearly, but why? Tell me the hell why some people choose to be so selfish and continue through their lives to make those closest suffer? How can I accept that? We all have a choice ... why choose misery when you have children that needed you? I don't get it, i never will, but I would love someone to spell it out for me. I am very open to hearing some realities here, so please do not think for a second I will be offended with any replies. I need to know all perspectives to this. It's eating me up, but lucky for me, I won't implode like my mother because I don't quit.
