Lived Experience Forum

[Serosquirrel]

I'm new. Just found this little world within a world today. Good timing really. No need to go through the whole mental history/diagnosis/what my family did/it was this person's fault/I've had every treatment out there blah blah blah.....Just enough to say that I really am ready now to make a real and proper life for myself in reality. Unfortunately my head is a little too noisy and my life is not fulfilling enough. Plenty to be grateful for. And my rational brain can still most times keep me functioning, but it is just so lonely and just so tiring keeping this up. Oh shit. there's the urge to delete. Rambling. I suck. I am not worthy of space. Now I sound like I want attention. I deserve to suffer blah blah blah. Best take my tablets and go to sleep. I really am a nice person. Just struggle sometimes. Sorry.

[kristin]

Dear @Serosquirrel

A warm welcome to the forums. I'm so glad you jumped in and joined the conversation. I'm really glad you didn't hit delete either, not rambling at all - though that is welcome here also. We have space for you, so come in and join some of the other conversation threads. 

I also struggle with the volume button on the internal chatter (monkeys - someone here called it/them). The more stressed I am the worse it is. One thing that has made a big difference (not stopped them but eased by distress when they're going) is mindfulness. It's added a lot to my self-insight too. Have you tried it? A lot of others seem to have found it helps them too, and the beauty of it is you can do pretty much anything mindfully, and there are so many different mindfulness exercises that you are bound to find some which appeal to you. Try searching Google for ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) if this is new. You may also be interested in this forum thread about making up a coping box.

We're all here because we struggle with MI, sometimes or most of the time. No need to apologise. Anyway we try to support and encourage each other. I hope you get a good night's sleep. I find it makes an enormous difference to my head-space. So please try to be kind to yourself, especially when you are struggling, it truly makes such a difference. Living with a MI is hard work.

Take care of you, looking forward to "seeing" you around the forum.

Kindest regards, 

Kristin

[NikNik]

Hi @Serosquirrel

Welcome to the Forums. It sounds like you have done a lot of work to get where you are today and your attitude and readiness towards wanting to make 'a real and proper life' for yourself is inspiring.

What does a 'real and proper life' mean to you?

You mentioned you're lonely - is having a connection with people and making friends part of what you're referring to?

Again, welcome to the Forums. I hope the community can help you feel less alone.

Nik

[Serosquirrel]

Hi. Thanks so much for replying. Things are so weird right now. Typical med readjustment going on,combined with stress overload,combined with jack hammer voice in my head....you know what I mean. I haven't quite figured out how to navigate the forum so sorry if somebody says something and i dont reply or write in the wrong spot. I'm a bit daft. Grrrr....urge to delete. Swallow. Real and proper means something more than psych wards, medication, isolation, and excuses. It means interaction and a career and friends. A meaningful existence. Delete delete delete. Ugh.

[kato]

@Serosquirrel

Hi and welcome to the forums 🙂

I tend to do something similar to you, i write write write and then delete what i have written, i do it a fair bit, sometimes when i think i am being silly, or not quite hitting the mark so to speak as to what i want to put across, one thing i have found with this forum and the members, is we understand that feeling, i sometimes get on and i will type type type a big long "vent" just to get it off my chest out of my head type thing.

I too am going through med re-adjustment and it makes life tricky, plus add in stress and it gets more tricky, i have found a few helpful things through this forum on what helps me to rationalise in my head what i am thinking, or feeling, and how it affects my behaviour. but the main thing i have found is just having a space where i can open up about myself is great, i have actually opened up more here then i have in my own life, so it's a plus,

hope to hear more from you in the future

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Serosquirrel

Just want to say Welcome!

I don't know if this means anything, but when I read your post(s), I thought it made complete sense. In fact, I think it perfectly captured a very human experience that most of can relate to.

Keep posting.

CB

[Alessandra1992]

Hey @Serosquirrel
Welcome! Love the way u express yourself especially the delete delete.. On my phone I love the backspace arrow for same reason!
Rambling is a great way to get your thoughts out and heck it is pretty tricky working on ourselves at tines and arguing with our rational mind and going but my feelings are not telling me my life is meaningful..it can be a jumbke of words, images and feelings in our heads at times.. And trying to figure out is gratitude helpful? Sometimes I don't feel grateful although I know I have plenty to appreciate in life..so I give my brain a bit of a rest and just go, poop, not enjoying this space but coming on the forums and checking in mt friends here can give nw such a strong sense of connection that I can find myself loosening up and getting interested in what is going on here..which is very helpful for me..
Welcome aboard and enjoy the forums..we have lits of interest ibg topics and people 🙂
Warm wave! Handshake or hug if you'd like one!!