Lived Experience Forum

[Gypsy7]

Hi been struggling a lot lately I have bipolar and ptsd complex. Recently my brother whom I haven't spoken to in years rang me. He got my number off my mum and she knows that I don't wish to have anything to do with him. My brother is a lot older than me and sexually abused me for years. Now decades later he rings. At first I thought mum mustn't be ok why else would he ring. Well he's been accussed of abusing his 5 year old and my statements and reports he hadn't read supposedly til now are getting subpoenaed for this recent case of his. He asked me to lie and say I made it all up. At this point I tell him get f**ked and hang up. Well mum then hounds me. So I had to break ties and change my number which hurts that mum puts my abuser before me. Still never understand that. After that I wasn't prepared for my mental health to deteriorate. I went backwards in time and started having severe ptsd symptoms. This was a month ago. Then on top of that my ex for two days now has started driving and parking down street. Dvo has expired so nothing cops can do. No witnesss. All this has made me suicidal. And I started to get thing in order, they uped my anti depressant and last two days haven't slept at all. My mind is racing again. Loosing my mum again cos of this shit after I forgave her got years and let her in my children's life. She's a good Nanna we live in different states and just before I got the dreaded call she was visiting us and the boys don't understand. It feels like this season will never end and I'm tired of reliving my past. I have lots of tools but now they want me to do exposure treatment with this clinical Physcologist to get over my ex but having the recent stuff rehash of my brother I don't know if I can handle remembering on purpose.

[Owlunar]

Hi Gypsy

Welcometo our fourm family - you are most welcome

Your mother and brother are in the wrong here - you are being under-valued that being abused is a terrible thing - there are a lot of people here you have suffered such abuse and it seems to me that your brother is not sorry that he has done something wrong but only sorry he has been charged 

And it's terrible sad that your mother has sided with him - how disappointing for you  - I am so sorry - this thas been traumatic for you

And in addition your ex is harriassing you again - alas you will have to go through the process of getting another order against him and as soon as possible

No wonder you feel suicidal - it is a terrible pity that other people's bad behaviour has driven you so badly

I am really glad you have written this here - I hope there is someone about who has experienced this themself and can be more helpfuil

All the best

Dec

[Mazarita]

Hi @Gypsy7, welcome to the forum.

There are a lot of very stressful things going on in your life at present and I sympathise. Given this, I understand why you may feel it's not a good time to 'remember on purpose' things from the past. I too have bipolar complicated by past trauma. Last year I was offered a therapy called EMDR to help deal with my traumas. For various reasons, I refused this treatment. You too are well within your rights to decline to take part at this time. I think you have valid reasons for your reluctance with this therapy.

For me it's important that, as much as possible, I take responsibility for my own choices in treatment, and not be afraid to say yes or no to things as I see it. Ultimately, we are the ones who have the most experience with our lives.

I don't have a lot of experience with the kinds of things arising with your brother, mother and ex. I'm hoping someone else might respond to your post to give you specific support there.

Welcome again. I hope you find the forum a rewarding experience, and helpful in your mental health journey.

[Gypsy7]

Thank you for your advice I've decided to not do treatment. It's going to be a long weekend for me. Not one inch of sleep and every sleep hygiene tool I've done. And chain smoking stressed out and moody. Yuk. My housemate and I nearly had fight over tobacco this morning. I have money on keycard but I am not in fit state to go out. Anyway we didn't fight, but mentally he doesn't know how unwell I feel. He can't read my mind and I get more support here and it's healthier for the home that way. Anyway my story seeing as this is anonymous I can share this hopefully with support rather than assumed minds judging me. I moved country interstate with my ex and newborn and toddler to his family in hope of a new beginning I was in DVD and unaware really though outsiders told me. But under control mentally with him that I left my house and sold everything to fund trip up north from south. Well long story short once I was isolated DV got worse. That was 2007, it ended with two trips to DV unit. With kids. The last visit to DV unit ended with me having to go to hospital cos I reacted to A sleeper. During that stay my eldest now 4 told me in child way dad and his parents were sexually abusing him and his brother. Don't know if it was once or anything else. Anyway foster care was promised and was reassured that be for the best. There was no court orders in place. Mental health checked me over I was cleared and sent back to dv unit . On my return hours later I tried my secret code to get in and it didn't work so I knocked on other shelter that was for women without children and they let me in. I rang the after hour number to get a worker to get my boys 2 and 4 years old. She drove over and told me to sit down. The next news haunts me to this day. My ex and his parents have the kids. Wtf. I was hysterical. I had been to cou I two days before but eldest was taken away from me to strange room 4 questioning. This boy wasn't socialised we were isolated. He only told me when we were away at DV unit. Anyway that was may2009. Family court scrutinised me I presented with anxiety and I was the worst mentally than ever. They believed my ex and gave him full custody. Now its2017 I see my boys once a fortnight for two hours supervised, not allowed to go to their school, two phone calls a week that I get rarely and one photo a year only . And worse yet where I see my children don't make reports for court. That's their policy. I have heaps behind me. NGO workers etc and time has made it easier just bit numb now. Anyway it's 8 years now. They were 2 and 4 when I lost them. Even if you don't believe my story I was a well mum and I just had DV trauma. And no support networks. DV unit was hopeless didn't even give me info on dv. My boys are great they are my heroes. Unfortunately until recently each goodbye time my eldest would get distressed and hide. Now they both ok with leaving. Everything is documented. But now he's starting playing mind games again stalking me. But I can't get a dvo cos I can't get him angry cos he's got my sons. I never bag him out to my sons cos no matter ATM they love him. And my mum brainwashed me to hating my dad when she was the one at fault ,anyway I have a tattoo that says for the sake of my sons. So I don't suicide in this despair and I fight to stay sane in this insane situation.

[Gypsy7]

And I can't get unwell. Also I got funded this year for mediation he declined now if I want funding I have to do therapy with clinical Physcologist. Which is ok but I have no faith in the system. I go to a centre for mental health during the week to volunteer and I get support there. So that's good. Got to count the good stuff and when I came here I knew no one now I have a small network of friends from that centre. And I live around heaps of people so he won't do anything in front of anyone. I'm not feeling suicidal which is great I feel as if mania is coming and last was 2014. Where I went physcotic for 6 months. Service so bad here that I got a public nuisance charge and trespass when I went to hospital to get help. And spent night in watch house. I had to fly help from my dad to my hometown to get treatment. And I just hated being away for a year til I got well for my sons. So mental health don't want a bar of me. Say I'm stable you have to attempt suicide to get help here. No lie. Mate well least I'm getting out what's in my head sorry I'm so full on.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Gypsy7,

I'm really glad that you have found your way to Forum Land. I hope you can feel supported here. I felt so sad reading your story - what a horrendous experience you have had over such a long time. I don't have children so I can only imagine how awful it must be for you to have been apart from your boys for so long.

The situation with your brother and your mum also sounds horrible. It is totally understandable that you are struggling so much at the moment.

I'm afraid I don't have anything actually helpful to say, but I wanted you to know that I have read your story. Thank you for sharing it and hopefully I will see you around in Forum Land.

[Gypsy7]

Thank you

[Owlunar]

That is so bad that you have to be suicidal to get help @Gypsy7

It seems to me it would be better all around to have help a long time before one gets that bad

I am glad you get some support from the Mental Centre where you volunteer and also have made some friends

It's really hard to have faith in a system that seems or does let you down - we are not all the same - and it's really rough relying on the public system

I do wish you the best

Dec