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wordsofmah
New Contributor

Hey there - Looking for support

Hey everyone, my name is Hayley and Im glad that I found this page and fourm.. I am 25 years old and both of my parents have Schizophrenia, Its been an interesting life! 
My parents are divorced, but my mum did re marry and he also has schizophrenia, Its been a really big challenge as I have gotten older to cope with my mum.. My dad is really well and managing his illness fantasticlly, But with my mum (even her being on medication) she still is very up and down and iirational with her thoughts.. she suffers from paranoid thoughts which makes it all very challegening...

Recently my mum has been quiet unwell, I find myself being her counsellor through this rather then just her daughter, as wife and a mother myself I find it very draining taking her stuff on.. I have encouraged her to start seeing someone who she can talk to, I am hoping that this is something she will do..

I struggle to know how I can encourage my mum to have stability in her life, this is one thing that she has ALWAYS struggled with, moving from places, worrying about people and up and down and back and forth, its been really hard to be apart of it and to see it... 

I would love to hear of other peoples experiences, how I can help my mum find stability and how I can not get so lost in all of this!

Its been hard to let go of the "dream" mum.. its something I will never have, and it seems so silly to want that.. but it is one thing that has really played with my heart and my identitiy...

Mental Illness sucks.. and it breaks my heart to see my mum go through what she does..

Thanks for reading!

4 REPLIES 4

Re: Hey there - Looking for support

Hey Hayley, how lucky is your mum to have such a kind, patient and understanding daughter. And it's wonderful hearing that your dad is going great..
There are carer support groups around, I attended Grow Better Ypgethervin metro Melbourne, but other forum members have spoken of arafmi, MIF and Caters Vic. I was wondering if you have checked out COPMI at www.copmi.net.au. it stands for Children Of Parents with Mental Illness..i believe that they run support groups too.. Tricky perhaps for you to attend but they might offer some online resources as well..

Re: Hey there - Looking for support

Hi Hayley,

I also looked at some organisations you might wish to contact. There is Young Cares and also Carers Australia have a great young carers program - you can call them on 1800 242 636.

But mirroring @Alessandra1992 post - you sound like a "kind, patient and understanding daughter", and these forums can help you talk to supportive people who may build you up and give you a sense of hope.

Let us know how you are doing.

Hobbit.

Re: Hey there - Looking for support

Thankyou so much for your responses! It is great to see that there are a few other places I can find out some information.. A support group would be great so that I can manage everything better!


Thankyou heaps 🙂

Re: Hey there - Looking for support

Hey Hayley,

My sister was diagnosed with schizophrenia 15 years ago when I was a teenager. It was triggered from a breakdown after a long term relationship ended. It has changed my sister and my family forever. This was incredibly hard for me to deal with from a young age, being a teenager going through my own changes! I cannot imagine what it would be like to have both parents suffering from this illness. I agree that you must be an incredible young woman. You must have such strength, compassion, patience, and love.

If it helps you in any way I am happy to share with you some of my experiences. I spent my 20’s mourning the loss of my sister, I only realised this a few years ago when I finally felt peace with it. I always tried to be supportive to her in every way possible, I tried so hard to the point where I would break. Within myself I was so sad, and would feel anger which I never voiced for years. I just kept going. It was only after time, and truly accepting that this was the new reality that I felt peace. I have had two sisters in my life. I had to let go of the dreams I had for my sister, and my life with her. I often look at other sisters and wish I had that relationship, that I could chat with her about life, be there for each other as sisters are. But this life just doesn’t always seem fair. I had to truly accept that this was her illness, and this is the life we have. What I wish for her now is the best quality of life possible and to make that better. I cannot put my energy or anger wanting her to not have this illness. I will love, accept, and support her as who she is for the rest of our lives.

As strange as this sounds my family have found that humour even in the darkest moment can get you through this. This is a serious illness, that has serious effects, and must need serious attention. But if you don’t laugh at times, with someone that can support you, you can’t get through the years. Love, patience, support, compassion, strength, and laughter. Find people you can lean on that mirror this and are understanding. No matter how strong you are, sometimes, some days you need someone to hold you up. It is braver to ask for help, and from you reaching out to people on this blog I can see how brave you are. No matter what happens in our lives I believe there is always a silver lining. I would not be the person I am today if it wasn’t for my sister’s illness. Life shapes us into who we are meant to be, and you are meant for amazing things.

Take care Hayley, I wish you strength and peace.

Stevie

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