Lived Experience Forum

[crusader]

Hi all. I am new to livin. My psychologist has been telling me this is a great way to give back..my story probably started when I was young..my dad was samoan..so very harsh towards me I could never do anything right in his eyes..I would hear the words "your useless" alot

I gravitated alot towards my mum..expecting her to shelter me from his harsh ways..then I was a larger kid..I tried sport..going to soccer as a 10yr old coaches would say why are you here your too fat to play..trying to fit in at school..wanting to b accepted..these seeds would remain dormant till my daughter was born..my ex took over and I withdrew..we separated and that probably was the start of depression disorder but it didn't manifest its black dog self till I met my fiance..I would get angry for no reason..agitated then regret it..in 2015 I had a bad neck injury from gym my life went BOOM. I would wake up wanting to end my life. I saw myself as no good..a burden..whats the point..nothing to live for I am the worst partner and father. I went reluctantly to the GP and said..Doc I have a problem". In 2018 a guy I started sydney trains with was killed on the job by a train.I could not get out of bed..whats the point I said. I withdrew..from friends..wanted quit my job..but with the help of beautiful partner who would probably pass special forces selection such is her dogged determination to never give up on me..us..my great psychologist..I am standing here today..in an overall good place..the journey continues..

[oceangirl]

Hi and welcome to the forum @crusader 

It is nice to meet you. I am not impressed -with how that soccer coach spoke to you -he has a problem. It was his job to guide you and support you. And sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. But also sorry for how you were treated by your Dad. You may find your Dad was raised in a similar way too. And it may help to talk to him? I hope you can work through it and build your self worth and  self esteem. I am glad to hear you have supports in your life, and I hope you can find fulfilment and peace. And make time for yourself and your loved ones.

[Maggie]

@crusader  Standing in a good place as the journey continues, sounds like you have come a long way.

You had a rough start, but that’s not the end.

I wish you well as you journey on.

Welcome to the forums.

[crusader]

Thank you for your reply and support
Dad passed away in 1996

[oceangirl]

@crusader 

Sorry to hear about your Dad passing away. 

Please join in on the forum, if you find ir helpful to do so. We are a friendly bunch here and we try our best to support each other. 

[crusader]

Funny how things can turn very quickly 

Having a blended family is a challenge. 20 year old step son..no job..tried uni..didn't like it now because of covid finding work is hard. But he wants to b picky..doesn't want to listen to advise. On top of that I get told at times don't make too much noise hes having trouble sleeping 

So it all came to a head yesterday..massive blow up with my fiance..I get told you don't love me..you don't support me helping my stepson 

Basically we are over you can stay here till we sell the house 

As you can imagine my mental health has taken a hit..I have taken 3 days off work..old ways of thinking have come back..

[Whitehawk]

Hi @crusader 

Welcome to the SANE forums! It's great to have you here and thanks for telling the community a bit about yourself.   I'm sure the forum members will be able to offer you support, information and connection. I'm the moderator on duty right now.   Feel free to ask the SANE forum team or the members if you need help with how to use the forum. You might like to check out the Guidelines as they can be pretty useful in understanding how it all works  https://saneforums.org/t5/help/faqpage#community-guidelines. 

Take care.

Whitehawk