Lived Experience Forum

[BryanaCamp]

hey @Scarecrowe thanks for the blessings & kind words. I used to go to Anglican church very occasionally with my uncle & receive a blessing. I'm not baptised but the guy blessed me just the same and it felt good. I felt included & valued. I like the idea that God loves me and includes me.

How did your marathon 9 hr shift go today? Wow dude, that's a loooong shift. I struggled thru a 4 hr shift myself. Just when my shift was over, a very conscientious colleague wanted to give me a lecture on our online resources and I was all polite on the outside inside but inside was like, "dude, are you kidding me? I just worked 4 hrs without a break & have 1 hr of traffic driving home ahead of me, I'm outta here!!"

I'm proud of you if you can manage without meds. For many a year I believed meds only made you docile & dulled a bright mind & spirit. Then I got symptom relief from anti-psychotics and changed my tune..turned out I was a schizophrenic & got better quality of life from anti-psychotics. Oh well. I'll be here to support you thru the yucky times and thru the good times.

I'm feeling a bit stung as a 'friend' I posted to online, on another forum, all of a sudden ghosts me & starts a new thread all about me called, "where is BryanaCamp? I couldn't respond to her post 'cos she got too close for comfort but where is she & hope she's ok." Wtf? We were just talking about music. I love indie music & Melbourne's live music scene & go to gigs and so on, so I thought I was just being enthusiastic & a supportive friend. Then whammo! I'm accused of making someone uncomfortable?! It's a schizophrenia forum so I guess some people struggle with paranoia and goodness knows what other mind disorders but Geez, it made me feel like dirt. Made it hard to muster my professionalism to do my shift 'cos I was like, "oh, do I make my customers uncomfy?"

Anyways, thanks for listening & hope you're ok. Get a good night's rest. You must be on cloud 9 after all that Bathurst & sports action! I got a 5-8pm shift tomorrow. How about you? xx 

[Scarecrowe]

Hiya @BryanaCamp 

I am not sure my blessings have as much power as someone from the church lol.  

Well I did my 9 hour shift yesterday but I my 4 and a half hour shift Monday became a 9 hour shift as well as they asked me to stay back....bit of a shock to the body after a week off but I need the money as I had last week off and don't get  paid.  Today was only a 4 and a half shift as is tomorrow and Friday (unless they ask me to stay back.) I work 7.30 - 12 unless they ask me to stay till 5.  I had a little nanna nap on the couch this arvo, was a bit stuffed lol.

Yes I don't blame you for being annoyed about staying back for a lecture after your shift.  I am like you, just want to get out of here and home!!!!!!!

Wierd about your friend on anther forum ghosting you and then starting a thread wondering where you are?????  Something very strange going on there that is for sure.  Don't worry about it too much, as you haven't done anything wrong.   That person is having problems I would hazard as a guess and you are getting the brunt of it.  I can understand you feeling like you have but don't let it worry you.   And I know there is no way you would make your customers feel uncomfortable in any way!!!!  As you said you were just trying to be a friend and give support and that is all you can do.

Yes I enjoyed Bathurst (and my team won and I picked the winner in the tipping so yay to me lol).  Another car race on this weekend so looking forward to that.  

Last week I got some bad news about an ex co-worker and friend of mine, she has stage three breast cancer which is really aggressive.  They thought it had gone into her liver but it hasn't thankfully.  She started chemo on Friday.   Just sux bigtime.  She is a wife, mother and grandmother and the family does not deserve this (mind you no families do).  So I have been a bit down about that.  

Yes I try to survive without meds.  I am glad that you found meds to help you out.   And it makes sense that you thought they would make you docile and dull as I think the same way lol.   But I also can't afford to be having appointments and buying drugs either, especially if they make me docile and dulled and have to keep changing them.  And as I work as well I don't want to be feeling strange because of meds.   If I feel really bad I find chocolate helps lol!!!!  And chocolate is a lot cheaper 

And I totally thank you for being here for me if I am having a bad time. It means a lot and I really appreciate your support.   As I am totally here for you if you need to talk about anything, anything at all.

Well I had better go and do my excercises and get tea started.  Hope your shift at work is not too stressful.

Take care and keep smiling

Blessings to you my friend

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[BryanaCamp]

Hey @Scarecrowe  

I'm sorry your friend is very sick. That is sad news. Makes you question why bad things happen to good people. I've been thru something similar - it was aggressive & fast. The grief triggered my psychotic symptoms, just about lost my mind. All you can do is wait and love her & support her in any capacity you can manage. You gotta look after yourself too. We have to be strong to support others. I hope you're seeing her soon? I recommend not waiting to see her (that may or may not be relevant to your situation).

You have been working hard mate. Good on you. The bank balance increases! I've saved for a fridge as my old workhorse is finally going kaput. I missed the 1st 1/2 hour of my last shift as a broken down car caused 1 hr delay in traffic. Not a great look for a casual to rock up late but my colleagues were really sympathetic so that was nice.

Thank you for your kind words. I'm sure you're right. I've moved on & fortunately that forum has an "ignore" function as it's peer run so that brings peace.

What kinda retail do you work in.. clothes, home-wares, or is it car-parts!!? No need to answer if it compromises your anonymity, just interested to get to know you. Are you religious, do you go to church?

Got a day off tomorrow, Yay! Will be fridge shopping I reckon. Hope you have a good nights sleep and work goes smoothly, no difficult customers & not too much bending low & stressing your knees. Take care of you xx

[Scarecrowe]

Hiya @BryanaCamp    

Thanks for the love and support for my sick friend.  She is strong and determined which is a good way to be.   Hopefully she will recover fully.  I am sad to hear that you went through something similiar,  and that it set off your psychotic symptons.  That is something you do not need whilst dealing with other illnesses as well.  There are so many domino affects with a serious illness.  It is never just a case of dealing with the one thing......

Getting over my return to work week.  I ended up working all day Thursday as well so it has been an extremely tiring week.  Not sure my body has coped lol.  The silly season has started that is for sure.   I need the money though so all the extra hours I can get are great. 

We sell lots of things where I work, nothing specific.  And that is all I will say in case I do give it away lol.

No I am not religious at all.   I like the words of Buddah and their way of life (except I eat meat) but I am in no means a Buddhist.  That is about as close to being religious as I get.  

There are lots of Buddahs in my house as I find them to be very calming and reassuring, especially when I am having a bad day.  Are you a religious in any way?

Don't worry about getting to work late because of an accident.  It was not your fault, and the way traffic is I think that is just a common problem.  Work would have understood and I am sure they have been in a similiar situation at least once in their working life.  I know you would have felt bad being late, I would have felt the same, but when things are out of your control there is nothing we can do about it.   Not like you slept in or anything.  Mind you most people have slept in and been late for work at least once I am sure...lol!!!   But if you are like me I hate being late for anything.  I am always early.  Lateness is a gripe of mine, I think I get it from my late Pop, he was exactly the same.

Well today and tomorrow I will be having a few friends over to watch the car racing on the Gold Coast, so I had better get back to getting organised as they will be here within the hour.  

Hope whatever you are doing today you have a great one my friend.  

Love and blessings to you

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[BryanaCamp]

hi @Scarecrowe I'm struggling.

I'm from a horrible, abusive family. I'm sick to death of that fact. All my 'friends' are from loving families and don't understand, they hate people from bad families like me so I have to lie. I'm sick of lying. I'm very caring & family-oriented so it's just a very bad situation for me to be in. I have only superficial friends who seem to milk me for attention & sympathy & that's about it, they aren't there for me. I can't confide in them. I've put a lot of time and effort into friends but the fact is they don't give a shit.

I got certified off work after a manager was so disrespectful to me I was ready to resign. I don't know if it was worse or better to be certified off work. No pay but it protected one of my two jobs, I guess. I've just made it to my shift with my nice work. I think it's good to keep doing my shifts. My meds do very little, I'm sick of my psychiatrist as he basically has no ideas and I loathe psychologists - those people have done nothing but harm & given me low self esteem.

No, I'm not religious becuase religious people have always been hateful & judgemental towards me. Some of my family members are religious. My aunt believes in a wrathful god and is very wrathful towards me. She keeps a file on me and 

after each interaction with me she makes notes on what bad I am. She told me she thinks the worst sinners on earth, the worst people, are borderline personality disorder. she told me she thinks I'm borderline personality disorder. i told her she's not a psychiatrist & that my psychiatrist diagnosed me schizophrenic but she doesn't listen. she hates me & I go begging to her for love becuase I have no other options.

[Scarecrowe]

Morning @BryanaCamp 

I only just read your post.....I have not been on all week, been busy with work it is the silly season after all....yay not!!!!

I am really sad to hear that you are struggling my friend.   I wish I could make all the bad things go away for you and have you feeling better, but sadly I cannot.   To be in a horrible family situation as you are is a terrible thing.   No-one should have to deal with that, but sadly the world and some of the people in it are not perfect.

If your 'friends' don't give a shit abour your problems then they are not really your friends.  True friends are there for you no matter the situation.   When friends or family are not there for you when you need them and you are always there for them, it can be a very isolating feeling.  

And the last thing you need is one of your bosses being disrespectful to you.  Some managers think they can treat workers like something they stepped in, not a fan of that at all..............I think it is a good thing you got certified off, get you out of a horrible situation, you do not need that right now......and as you said you have your good work to fall back on which is a good thing........................and yes I agree it is good to keep doing your shifts....

Could you change your psychiatrist and see someone else, and not necessarily a psychologist, a councellor or someone along those lines..........

Your Aunt sounds like a piece of work that is for sure, even though she is entitled to her beliefs.  I would be staying well away from her if it is at all possible......you don't need that right now, or ever really.  I can understand why you are not religious reading all that.

I hope today you are feeling a little better at least.  I really appreciate you confiding in me.  I am not much of a help but I hope getting things off your chest helped in some way.

Please take care my friend and I send so much love and blessings to you.

I know how difficult things are for you and I really hope you find some peace real soon.

Take care and take each second as it comes.....................