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Re: Feeling really flat

Hi @Queenie  I've been thinking of you and wondering how things are going for you.  Here for you if you feel like talking some time.  I'll always try to respond if you tag me, even if it's not straight away.  Take care.

Re: Feeling really flat

Hi @eth , I’m coping the best way I know how... by largely ignoring what’s happening. I pretended at my psychiatrist appointment that everything is fine. For me fine is an acronym... f***ing incapable of normal emotion. It seems I am apathetic sometimes in outward displays of emotion and other times I’m way over the top. I’m a walking enigma sometimes!

At least my NDIS stuff is sorted for another year. 

Re: Feeling really flat

Hey @Queenie  nice to hear from you and great that your NDIS is sorted now.

I have a different acronym for FINE - f'd up, insecure, neurotic and emotional!  Hoping your psychiatrist is still a support for you.  I find I need to be totally candid with mine, not capable of pretending anyway.

Hope today is nice for you xx

Re: Feeling really flat

Hey @eth thanks for reaching out to me, I really appreciate it. To be honest I find myself spreading thinly in all sorts of areas. Like I've pushed myself too much. I have to though or I am going to run into all sorts of problems in the long run and be much worse off than I am now.

I find it difficult to be honest with my psychiatrist ever since he threatened to hospitalise me in a State psychiatric hospital (long term like years). I realise now he was only trying to make light of my situation, but I was genuinely frightened and bothered about it, as it came up about a decade ago when it was decided against my will that some time at a State psychiatric hospital might be good for me. When he broached the subject (albiet jokingly) during my last admission, my anxiety went sky high. I've been too heavily traumatised by the public health system in the past and this time it crossed over to the private system, it felt like there was no escape and all the trauma came flooding back to haunt me.

I've discovered though the power of exercise and mental health. Getting those endorphins flowing so to speak... through the exercise physiologist funded by the NDIS. I basically begged for funding and none was allocated for it in 'improved daily living', but with some juggling, I can 'afford' it (I only see my psychologist every 3 weeks anyway and that's the only thing I was spending nearly eight grand on). 

I've had small wins of late too so it's not all gloom and doom (my life)... I am seven weeks from the end of my course, and if I stay well enough, I will finish in time for October's graduation ceremony. I actually got a "love you" from my Father (which floored me to the point of tears), I've managed to make some new friends (and keep them so far), I've been challenged (and won) by a previous history of substance abuse (basically I had to help the Mrs write an essay on what used to be my drug of choice and I'll admit I had cravings for it).

For the first day in a long time, I can safely say I don't feel suicidal. That's huge for me! 

My psychiatrist is questioning my schizophrenia/schizoffective diagnosis and is considering also borderline personality disorder as well schizophrenia. I didn't think the two could possibly coexist, but it could explain some things. I did catch up with an old friend in hospital last time and she has indeed those two diagnoses. A year ago, my psychiatrist would have vehemently denied BPD and Me, but the fact I brought it up has him thinking. I'd be keen to know yours and others thoughts on the subject?

 

Re: Feeling really flat

Hi @Queenie   sorry to hear you feel 'thinly spread' at the moment.  Your 'small positives' actually sound more like very significant experiences to me and excellent that you can identify them.  Heading in the right direction for sure.  Congrats on getting so far through your course.  Best of luck getting to graduate in October.

If you mean Borderline Personality Disorder I can't really help you as it's not part of my experience,  but if you mean Bipolar Disorder you have come to the right person.  I have bipolar 1 and also complex PTSD and am happy to talk about either with you any time.

Sorry to hear your psychiatrist put the wind up you like that.  Sounds like a very insensitive joke to me, he should know better. 

Really good to hear the exercise physiologist is being funded and is working well for you.  

Hope today is one of the better ones for you xx

Re: Feeling really flat

Hey @eth , my psychiatrist thought I rapid cycle between moods and the fact I’m always thinking my demise, led him to consider borderline personality disorder as well as schizophrenia. He also thinks my latest tattoo was impulsive (an apparent borderline trait), despite me planning that tattoo for three years.

l have no idea who to ask about this. It’s kinda bugging me.

Re: Feeling really flat

@Queenie  I’ve just read through your thread, you’ve certainly had your ups and downs, and by the sound of your last post, some really positive wins.

Like @eth  I don’t know much about BPD, though to begin with it was one of the many labels I was attached to.

I think you psychiatrist was very insensitive in his joke. Anyone would know that would be upsetting for anyone going through MI. I understand being traumatised my the public system, I’ve been there also.

It’s good you are finding exercise helpful, I hope the funding continues. All the best with the remainder of your course, you deserve that graduation ceremony and certificate.

Re: Feeling really flat

hey @Queenie
i have been diagnosed with BPD so am happy to talk about anything you need.

Re: Feeling really flat

Hey @Queenie  I just put Borderline Personality Disorder on the search bar and it comes up with quite a few threads where it has been discussed.  Perhaps you can find out more by doing that.

PS I have tats too and planned them for many years - didn't get them until I was 46!  Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter ...  It's your body!

Re: Feeling really flat

13.jpgfor you @Queenie  Heart

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