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02-10-2016 01:01 PM
02-10-2016 01:01 PM
Bipolar and deciding to stay single
Since I was a kid I knew something was wrong. I've always wanted friends and yet never been able to hang onto them. Primary school, high school, my first two jobs, I never fitted in, couldn't quite relate, was always that little bit different. Being a red head a lot of my symptoms as far as being moody and emotional were put down to my hair color, masking what really lay underneath I believe.
I never wanted to be single. Right from an early age I had a picture of what I wanted for my life. A wife and normalicy, I had never been able to make it really happen and I thought settling down in my early 20's and getting married to whom I thought was my life partner would fulfill my dreams to have that 'one person' in my life. I only ever wanted one person, never able to really cope with being social. Long story short that marriage lasted 9 years and two children before an affair ended that.
I stayed single for two years and my bipolar put me in and out of hospital and psych wards. I lost everything except a few things from our business and a car and $500 caravan. But I mourned that marriage more than I have ever mourned anything in my life. And yet I could not wait to be married again. A huge part of me was missing, and who I thought was my best friend turned out to be then and even now my worst enemy.
I got married again and had another child. For 7 years one of my children from my previous marriage lived with us. We worked well together, and helped and supported each other, me with a mental illness and her with a physical incurable illness. That marriage would have been 14 years next month. I seperated, or rather left under a police escort 2 months ago. I have always been med complaint. Never voilent towards another human or animal. Been in therapy for the last four years. Manage to hold down to very small part time jobs. I did have another breakdown three years ago which caused me to loose my business again and after trying to get better and not being able to deal with any sort of stress, we closed it down when we seperated. It had been running successfully for 13 years. Again, I lost house and child, leaving with tools car and caravan. The affair is unclear, however the same drawing apart happened, with just too much hard work and life more fun and easier without you being quoted as the main reasons for wanting me gone. At the moment it is amicable, although I am extremely bitter.
The reason for this post is not for a woe me or to ask for pity or sympathy. What it is for is to ask if and how others with bipolar who have been hurt or decided that they would not inflict their bipolar ups and downs on a marriage mate cope? How and has anyone found contentment being single after marriage and if so how? What fills the void left of having someone in your life, especially when you are a person who is the epitome of 'leave me alone but don't go'...........
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02-10-2016 03:25 PM
02-10-2016 03:25 PM
Re: Bipolar and deciding to stay single
Sometimes it was hard. It was wanting to walk through the door and have someone greet you. An adult to talk with. And someone to snuggle up to - especially in winter.
But as much as I felt that - I also knew I wasn't right mentally and emotionally for a new relationship.
I have a few friends. One that I catch up with often. She understands my MI & accepts that sometimes I just can't visit.
I think having a teenager - makes me get out and talk to people - school pick ups and sports. It's helped me to treat myself to rewards often. A soak in the bath, a walk in the park, sitting in the sun. Doing things that I enjoy or that relax me.
I haven't given up on love. I'm working on getting to know me a bit better first. But who knows - never say never
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02-10-2016 04:32 PM
02-10-2016 04:32 PM
Re: Bipolar and deciding to stay single
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02-10-2016 05:59 PM
02-10-2016 05:59 PM
Re: Bipolar and deciding to stay single
I've been sitting here watching Greys Anatomy in a bid to destract me from the lousy weather outside. This dialog came up and it spoke volumes. I have to work out how to implement it given social phobias and anxiety. But its true"We're all going to die. We don't get to decide how or when. But we do decide how we're going to live. So do it. Decide. Is this the life you want to live, is this the person you want to love?
Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger, kinder, more compassionate. Decide. Breathe in. Breathe out. And decide."
Greys Anatomy S10E01
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02-10-2016 06:28 PM
02-10-2016 06:28 PM
Re: Bipolar and deciding to stay single
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02-10-2016 06:34 PM
02-10-2016 06:34 PM
Re: Bipolar and deciding to stay single
Hi @Blitter2016
Sounds like that episode of Grey's Anatomy was just the medicine you needed! It's a good reminder that we do all have choices no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in. If we can learn to know ourselves better: the light and the dark sides, and choose to be compassionate to self, how others perceive us becomes less relevant.
Some people don't fit in well with their social circles, aren't easily understood. That doesn't mean they are any less valuable that anyone else. Everyone has something to contribute, and by working on our strengths we can find a happier and more purposeful existance in spite of mental illness.
Keep moving forward 🙂
Frog
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02-10-2016 06:37 PM
02-10-2016 06:37 PM
Re: Bipolar and deciding to stay single
The days come and go and yes I want to live. I'm not sure how. Doesn't that sound dumb. I have no dreams, no aspirations, no bucket list. I've lost so many times due to mania then depression you learn to hold onto anything loosely. Plans made for tomorrow fall apart because today you were coping, tommorow you crash. I need to be selfish and learn why and what I want to live for...
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02-10-2016 06:47 PM
02-10-2016 06:47 PM
Re: Bipolar and deciding to stay single
I have Bipolar 1 and yes it's been an inordinately rocky road. I'm pleased you're seeing a pdoc and a pnurse because careful monitoring of bipolar can make a huge difference. Do you see a psychologist? I've found the addition of my psychologist to be an invaluable part of my treatment plan. In fact my pdoc, psych and GP work as a very close knit team and I believe this has made a huge difference.
Forgive me if I've had a senior moment but are you taking any meds to help you to become stable? I've been totally med compliant for many years now and with an addition of one SSRI I am now showing no active signs of bipolar.
Yes choosing to live life to the full is in my opinion the best way to go. I do live life to the full every day. It's been a long hard road to get to this point but so worthwhile.
Keep on keeping on!
Hugzzz
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03-10-2016 02:59 PM
03-10-2016 02:59 PM
Re: Bipolar and deciding to stay single
Bit embarresing but it seems that all the posts that I have made I have made to myself, ugh. So to those who were talking to me I apologize....
I've got both a Pdoc, Pnusre and social worker. I've had 40 sessions of therapy over the last 4 years. My Pnurse has said that this is probably as good as it is going to get. The therapist says she has done as much as she can.
I swapped Pnurses about 2 years ago and things have changed dramatically. Then becoming friends with another Pnurse overseas gave me another avenue of advice. I am currently on the medication their team suggested. Here in Oz, in the small town I live, Pdocs are changed every 6 months in the public system, so you never get to build a repor and each has their own agenda or drugs they want to push. It makes it really hard. There are no bipolar support groups within 250kms from here. I do take SSRI as well as AP and MS as well as Benzo's for anxiety. I live a sheltered life, but am constantly pushing the boundaries and daily try to find out where they are. I stick to routines the best I can with sleep and eating, although they are both issues. I have huge problems with showering and I really liked what someone said on another part of this forum where they said that they felt like inside what they looked like on the outside. I had never thought about it from that perspective but they were spot on.
Why am I here? How do you work out who to trust when you can't trust your own judgement and you have been through two marriage bust ups. The two people you have let in most. How do you work out how far to let people in and how do you successfully keep others at arms length. I am a very black and white person, and that comes into friendships. You are either a friend or not. It means I trust too quick and then push away too quick. No inbetween. I should stop waffling and ask for some help. Suggestions?
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03-10-2016 03:19 PM
03-10-2016 03:19 PM