Lived Experience Forum

[Angels333]

Hey @Shaz51  nice to hear from you. 

Is Mr Shaz okay?   I read on another thread that he wasn't doing too great.   Here for you xx

[Former-Member]

@BlueBay 

Very interesting as i only remembered what my bros did to me a few yrs ago. 

The mind blocks it. 

Im not sure what a trauma therapist does. Maybe its more painful than EMDR??

I sit in the chair & he asks me what the pain level is when i remember it. A no pops into my head. At that point im not feeling much. Then he gets me to watch his stick moving backwards & forwards from side to side whilst keeping my head still. Just my eyes moving. He asks me whats coming up. This is when the emotions come up. One time i found it hard to speak cause thats what i was like when the trauma happened. Im then reliving it. Sometimes i breath heavily panting i might feel feel he goes with it as im describe whats going on. I usually dont say a lot cause im in a trauma so kind of frozen. Once he sees i need a rest he stops for a moment then continues sometimes i then see a bit more of what happened so im describing that. Its kind of hypnotic tho or something like that. Sometimes my body reacts. One time my feet were totally off the ground for i think the whole session. Weird i was so ungrounded. He keeps breaking then moving on & checking what the pain level is. The no just gradually goes down til im totally calm & its 0. I then have clarity of what happened. How brave i was etc. It reinforces the pos things that happened like i might have escaped etc.

For me the clarity really helps

[Former-Member]

@BlueBay 

Think its very important to be working on present stuff as well.

Sometimes i go to c psychologist & ive actually been triggered that day or that week so we talk about that & prepare for therapy the next week. I often c that whats triggered me off relates to childhood trauma. How i was treated.

Ive been wrongly diagnosed for 25yrs only just got this diagnosis.

A nurse said its very common to have a string of diagnosis before they give u bpd

Its a hard condition because its triggered by interpersonal relationships so how u work & have relationships is all affected.

It seems to mess with everything

[Former-Member]

@BlueBay 

Think if you want to face the past your ready to face it.

My psychiatrist warned me & said if its too traumatic to stop however i wrote my memoirs when i was 40. That was horrific!!++

This is easy as im doing little bits at a time & got someone controlling the session. He never lets me leave til ive calmed down. I feel safe with him to just go with it as hes in control.

When i wrote my memoirs i was left hysterical & my sons dad used to have to race home from work & calm me down. 

Think its best to have it weekly tho so ur dealing with weekly triggers too. Present stuff cause theyre often connected & u see the pattern yourself

[Former-Member]

@BlueBay 

Maybe the memories coming back r back for a reason??

I think it will then work if u have the memories back.

As long as you feel comfortable with doing the EMDR & feel totally safe with the therapist

I think thats really important.

U need to b able to totally let go.

Like falling backwards into someones arms. That kind of trust.

I dont walk out embarassed after crying. I walk out calm.