Lived Experience Forum

[Sans911]

Yes, she does @outlander. My brother and I have tried to get her to slow down and take a break but she won't. The thing is when she does these house sits, she gets lots of approval and validation. She lives for that. And is delighted when people want her back. It makes her feel wanted and important. She told me tonight she's struggling a bit with her physical health and doesn't know how long she can maintain what's she is doing. But yet getting her to settle in one place is impossible. She's tried once but it didn't work. She's been like this her whole life. And she thinks if she stays put she'll rust or that she'll become inactive and unhealthy.

I'm going to my foster sister's place for a few days. I've not been for more than a year. Mostly because of the cats. My mother had these days spare so I asked her to look after them. I get free bus tickets every year for country travel because I'm on DSP and they're due to expire soon. So I might as well use them. My foster sister will be back at work, but that's OK. I can fill in my days looking around town or visiting people. She'll ley me use her car.

[Faith-and-Hope]

I know it’s easier said than done, but perhaps try to stay in the day you’re in ..... that’s what I am working on.  It’s the best way I know to get through a stressful waiting time ..... 

It sounds like that is what you are doing anyway.  Distraction goes a long way, I’m finding.

@Sans911 

[Sans911]

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope. I don't usually plan too far ahead anymore (except for this I have too). I just try to focus on what's directly in front of me. But I need to do this 'back to work' process in order to start to feel alive again. I need to see if I can still be the nurse I used to be or if that's gone too (which I unfortunately suspect that is list as well). I feel like I'm so stuck in a pattern and treading water. And I'm so tired of that. One can only distract for so long.

The last four years of my life I could have never imagined. And I never saw it coming. Much like your situation it's a constant change and adapting to change. Granted, I only have myself to consider. Your situation is that more multi faceted and complex. I don't know how you keep going, but you do. But that makes me worried about you as well.

[Faith-and-Hope]

I think I have always had a degree of what is called radical acceptance @Sans911, I just didn’t know what it was called ..... and the path I have walked has sort of developed it somehow ..... not without pain and tears mind you, but I am hoping iI have grown enough strength to power me through this turn of events.

I think I would be struggling much more with what had happened without the betrayal of another woman.  That sort of closed a book for me, enabled me to disengage from WH emotionally, coupled with information my counsellor has introduced me to.

I have a wavering sense of clarity, but the steps forward are still hard to take if I overthink them.

I am hoping you find that everything goes gently through the necessary steps, and starting work again returns you to your natural stride.

[Sans911]

You have such a gentle, caring way about you @Faith-and-Hope. No wonder @Zoe7 is so drawn to you and has that special connection.

Not many people bring me to tears with their words, but yours have made me spring a leak.

Yes, this added betrayal has been so difficult to bear for you but like you've said, it has enabled you to have some emotional distance. The fallout is still happening in many ways though, so please take care of yourself. Even the strongest chains can break at the weakest point with something minor forcing it to fracture. And sometimes that wealkness can't be seen at first glance.

[Faith-and-Hope]

I am listening @Sans911, paying attention ..... my forum sisters, and brothers, have been walking along with me here for these last nearly four years, and I have learned so much from you all .... and still am.

I hope the leak is a good one to have @Sans911  .... tears can have a potent healing properly about them.

[Faith-and-Hope]

“Properly” started out as property ..... @Sans911 

[Sans911]

My tears are always short-lived @Faith-and-Hope. Not enough for a good cleansing. That's what I really need. Happens very rarely thanks to negative comments that have been indoctrined since childhood.

I know you are listening. But sometimes you also need to be reminded. I know too that so many here care about you that there will always be someone to listen and support you at any time.

Did you see any fireworks btw?

[Faith-and-Hope]

Yes, we did see fireworks @Sans911  .... they shot so many of them up really high.  It was amazing.  I was feeling a bit numb though, but my D3 is empathetic and picked up on it.  We sat out on a little balcony we have got here and she brought out and lit every candle she could find about the house ....

WH spoilt her special milestone birthday here earlier in the year, (late last year, actually) by throwing our organisation and time management into chaos.  We managed to recover the night, but it wasn’t supposed to have been a “recovered night” ....it was supposed to be lovely, and special, and leave her feeling loved.  So the sparklers she had bought for all her friends ended up not being used ..... so honey that she is, she brought them out and we lit them up from the candles, one after the other, and ate some bought pavlova .... cos I can’t cook here in the chaos that this place is .... and don’t have the heart for it at the moment anyway ..... but she was giving back to me, trying to lift my spirits .... bless her.  And it worked, through the power of lovely distractions .... 😏

[Sans911]

Aww that sounds so awesome and sweet of D3 to do that for you both @Faith-and-Hope. It's good that despite what happened, she has found a way to make new memories in other moments. And share them with her beautiful mother. It it obvious she has inherited many of your values and characteristics. And what a welcome distraction too. I'm glad the fireworks were good to see.

Blessings and hugs from my side of the city to yours. 💕💕💕💕