Lived Experience Forum

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thank you for those lovely words @oceangirl .  @CheerBear has had that big soft shoulder available for so many of us, so often, but as with all of us, there is time for giving and time for receiving ..... and @CheerBear I hope you have taken that pm and found your big soft pillow to get some much-needed and  healing sleep tonight.  Girl, gotta look after you ❣️

[Teej]

@CheerBear I’m sorry it took a while to get back here. 

Here are my thoughts ......whether you like them or not 😘 (I have my big girl pants on and my kick ass boots) 

so i put this to you. 

I have  a friend who is having a really hard time trying to be the best mother and daughter and sibling she can be. She has been wearing her superwoman cape but just recently it got caught in some barbed wire and has a few rips in it. Whilst trying to mend her cape some difficult situations arose and she struggled to deal with them. Perhaps she sees that she’s made mistakes and she is struggling. She still has her super power of insight in that she knows what would help regain her superpowers but she can’t manage that through no fault of her own. Perhaps her friends see that she is only human. The wonder woman cape has helped but underneath the human needs self compassion and kindness because she is doing her best. She is living her life by her values and had everyone she loves best interests at heart. 

The wonderwoman cape is your drive @CheerBear to make the world a better place for everyone. It’s your tenacity and insight to be able to know what is helpful and to try to do that. It serves you well but there are times when life is bigger than the cape. At those times you need your human to find self compassion and maybe to hold out your hand out to others to ask for help even if it is to go for a run or space to ground again. 

Youve got this. It’s :pile_of_poo:ty and hell but you can work your way through it again. 

In two weeks or less from now your kid won’t remember crying and neither will a parent. They will remember your love and how grateful they are to have you in their life. 

Ive been saving this pic (next post) . Hugs and more hugs. 💜🤗

[Teej]

[Teej]

@CheerBear I just want to leave this story here for you to read about what happens to most of us when the wheels fall off. 

One day when my eldest was about 12 we were at sports practice. He’d been really argumentative and his behaviour wasn’t great. I was asked if I could lock up the club rooms when we left as the coordinator had to go early. It was the first time I’d been asked. Long story long I had a big uncontrolled shouting match with S1 at the end of training. I ordered him to get in the car and we went home. At 3:00am in the morning I woke horrified because I’d left the club rooms open. I raced up there and someone had come and locked them. The wheels fall off when we can’t breathe and emotion is high, especially when we are highly sensitive and reactive and I’m learning it’s ok. And this was before d day. 

[CheerBear]

I'm teary again but this morning they feel like the kind of tears that come when you're really, really sad and a kind, calm, gentle friend/s offers you a warm, melt-into-my-shoulder hug. Thank you, so much @Snowie, @Faith-and-Hope, @oceangirl, @Teej and those under the support button. Being like I was last night (like I am at the moment) and having it be OK and understood, helps a lot. I don't do wheels falling off well at all but it makes it a lot easier to tolerate and to learn to tolerate when others let it be OK.

I've just spoken to mum. The kids and I will head back there as soon as they're all awake. Parents won't be there when we arrive as they're going to the appointment but I think we need to be there when they get back, for them and for us. I'm hoping the results aren't as bad as they feel like they might be, but I'm trying to prepare myself for everything. I think that's how we all are feeling at the moment and that's hard to sit with. I'm really worried about the possibility of needing to have another hard conversation with the kids. My heart extra hurts when theirs hurt, and their hearts have been hurt enough already.

I feel funny about going back but I think I need to. I can't do regret right now. I think I sent a clear message the other day about OK and not OK behaviour and now I can send a different message about understanding, kindness, empathy and love. It matters to me to do that. It's what I want to teach the kids and how I try to live my life, even though it feels so hard to do sometimes. It's also why it makes a difference when it's offered to me.

Thank you again for the soft landing space (and the circuit breaker) that you all create here. I seriously needed that last night. I can do today now.

[Faith-and-Hope]

WTG @CheerBear 💜🌹

I get the “going back” too.  It feels strange, but right, and demonstrates something they need to see, even if they don’t understand it.  The most powerful lessons in empathy are for your kids.

Youre doin’ it Mumma ❣️

[eth]

@CheerBear  sending lots of love and some more shoulders any time you want them.  You are amazing, strong and a rock to all those around you.  Hoping you get through today peacefully and don't have to have another hard talk with your kidlets.  One hour at a time and remember to breathe.  I'll be thinking of you.

Beautifully put @Faith-and-Hope and @Teej   I can't really add to what you've said.

[Zoe7]

@CheerBear @Teej Thinking of you both 💜💙💚🧡💛

[Zoe7]

@Teej Thankyou for you kind words on the other thread. Not up for much of a response tonight but wanted you and @CheerBear to know I am very much thinking about you both 

[Teej]

Thanks @Zoe7 , not needing a response because then I’ll be up for a response and I’m not feeling up to it either. 💜😘

My day was like this 🥺😫😢😕😭🥺😑 but hanging on (I put the mask on to do the things that meant something like 👍🏻Up Thursday on the forum but that’s about all).  I’m not wanting support. I was lucky to have some today from my therapist. Have lawyer tomorrow so may be AWOL.