Lived Experience Forum

[Ffm48]

Last week was rotten for me. Had a root canal procedure; it all went pear-shaped when an infection set in, I ran a high temperature, public holiday, no dentist or GP available, etc. I was in bed a lot, couldn't get anything done. I had a bad conscience for not getting anything done ... started .to spiral into a hole

This morning I said to myself, now hold on girl, what are you calling nothing?  You got yourself out of bed and showered every day, even if you went back again morning and afternoon. Got all the washing done - it's still all sitting there waiting for me to fold and iron. Then there was making meals and a few other bits and pieces.

This got me thinking. Are we being to hard on ourselves? Got nothing done - how often do we say that? How often do we not acknowledge that we do function under difficult circumstances and often function very well. Perhaps we need to reassess what is reasonable to expect from ourselves and be a bit kinder.

[Former-Member]

I think you're right. we're often so much worse to ourselves than we would be to people we really dont like! 

Self compassion is probably soemthing i could work on.

I hope your week improves, and i'm glad that you are recognising the achievements you are making!

lj

[Yarnartisan]

I agree with  both of you. I find it very hard not to judge myself and show myself any self compassion. I'm continually feeling guilty about not doing what I perceive as my share of the load. Despite the logical part of my brain yelling at me to give myself a break and give myself credit for what I have done, no matter how small the achievement.  Definitely agree with the comments about not being so harsh to others.

so how do we get out of that rut?

yarnartisan

[BlueBay]

Hi @Ffm48

The answer to your question is - YES, YES and YES!!!!

I know that I am definitely too hard on myself.  But it takes me a while to see that.  I get so angry with myself for not achieving things that i want to achieve during the day.  Then i feel guilty and bad.

I suppose considering I have a mental illness, struggling so much with my issues, I do cope well.  I do achieve things at work.  It's when I stop and look and my list of 'to do jobs' I tick them off as I go.  That way I can see 'wow I did do a lot today'.

We need to be more gentle on ourselves - easier said than done 🙂

[Ffm48]

Given the stigma of mental illness (MI) in society, I think we want to continually prove that we pull our weight. I know that was the case when I was still in the workforce. In hindsight, I know that was the case whilst in the abusive relationship. When I left my job taking sick leave, long service leave, annual leave I was unable to leave the job as I aspired, namely with a clean slate, for weeks and months I had a bad conscience blaming myself for failing my employer ... until I discovered by chance that I was replaced by three people, because the workload I had gone through was simply more than one person could handle. - and I had been told time and again that I was incompetent and didn't pull my weight. That was a real wake-up call.

Having said that I used up all my energy for work and had none left for myself, for home ... just listen to me "none left" - gross exaggeration. There were some things I just couldn't tackle.

The therapy following the suicide intervention included recognising the red flag of "gross exaggeration"; it's what we do when we suffer from depression - we catastrophise. Most of the time the strategy works. Words like "always, never, none, every, etc." are red flags and usually bring up the vision of a stop sign for me. Then it's time to look back and see what I have done and to ask myself what happens if I don't do what I wanted to do and usually the answer is "nothing". This strategy has helped me in setting more realistic goals.