Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member

6 months have passed. Wow!

I actually found the letter I wrote to myself when I was 18 and destroyed it, along with many other memories that held me back in the past. Unfortunately I did come across a few things I would rather have not been reminded on.

It's been quite a journey! Hospital definitely changed life and I am still adjusting. Sometimes I cannot see the progress and I still often get very confused and freightened and sometimes I don't know who I am anymore.

But the biggest improvement of all: I can feel again! I can feel all sorts of emotions, positive and negative, I am still numb from time to time, but not constantly. And I have learnt to reach out and ask for help. I have made new friends along the way and learnt so much.

I have learnt that routines are not helpful for me, nor is setting goals and my viewpoint of quality of life has changed.

For the next 6 month I hope you will continue to follow your path, however hard it gets and however low you get. Try to replace the word recovery with acceptance and try to be kind to yourself. Don't be embarrassed to ask for help and try to be curious how other options in your life may look. Your future is not set in stone and it is good to be flexible.

Take good care of yourself x

[BeeGee]

@NikNik - thanks for the reminder, just reread my letter and it was a real shot in the arm.  I've written myself another one for April 2017, if you could manage another reminder then that would be awesome thanks!

@BeeGee - wow.  What great advice you gave yourself last time.  Maybe re-read that again.  You are slowly learning acceptance - keep up the good work.  Keep on trying to relearn hope - it's important!  Baby steps.

So now it's April 2017 and you've been working for 3-4 weeks.  Yay!  Go you.  All your hard work and seemingly endless slog has actually ended, and now you are starting your new journey.  Dr BG... has a nice ring, don't you think? 🙂  Enjoy this year!  This is the time to catch your breath, enjoy the ride, and rebuild your depleted reserves.  Sure, keep learning but you now have time to live again so don't miss out on life.  Reconnect, rebuild, discover new things.

Don't stress about the things that you can't definitively answer.  That's life - it's sometimes messy and uncertain.  There will always be things that have no answer, no certainty... relax about that and do the best you can.

Your kids are turning out pretty well!  See?  All that time you thought of yourself as a failure as a father and look what great people they have turned out to be.  You did your best - sure you had your own issues, but they have had much less impact on them than you imagined, and your kids are turning into interesting, independent thinking adults who are making their own ways in the world... exactly as you hoped.  There have been bumps along the way, but didn't you have your own bumps too?  They are navigating them pretty well and becoming more rounded along the way.

Remember to be as kind to yourself as you like to be to others.  You are no less deserving of care and consideration than anyone else.  The small things you do to show you care for others really do make a difference in their lives.  Give yourself the same gift!  You can only give out of a position of provision, not a position of lack, so make sure your own wells don't run dry.

Cheers big ears.  Catch you in another six months.

[MoonGal]

@BeeGee. Love this letter written today 21/10/16 It spoke to me too. thank you.

[Former-Member]

LOL I haven't the faintest idea what I was talking about 6 months ago.

Things are good now. I understand why they came unstuck a year ago and I know what I need to do to avoid it happening again. 

For the next six months: keep on keeping on, and pay attention.

[Former-Member]

Dear Teej,

6 months ago I don't think I thought I'd still be here, 2 weeks ago I couldn't even contemplate writing about 6 months from now. So here I am. 6 months from now I hope that I can ride all the waves. I hope that I will know myself better and know when to push myself and when to back off and take care. I hope that I've broken my weekly cycle of being in crisis. I hope that my appointments are no longer weekly with extra support in between because then I'll know I've come a way forward. I hope I've established a better relationship with my kids. I hope that I have those basics covered😝. 6 months from now I hope my health professionals don't ask me if I've really committed to living anymore because they can see it. 6 months from now I hope I still have hope. Writing this today shows that I currently have hope and hope enough to write it. 

💜😊21/10/16.

[Silenus]

Still nodding along to what I wrote 6 months ago... that stuff is universal truth... it ain't gonna change...

[Former-Member]

Hi @NikNik,

I really like this idea. I think I might join in. 

6 months from now......

I'll be back in uni semester and hopefully working at the same job I am at now. It's going to be hard. I hope you are still employed, but if not, it's just the way the cookie crumbles and you will find yourself another job that suits your current skill levels. I hope you're coping with the stress and anxiety of work and have been doing your relaxation when things get too much. I hope you're on top of uni work and are not letting it get on top of you. Remember to get extensions if things get too much, and HAND ESSAYS IN even if they are not perfect. 

Hopefully you will have reached your exercise goals and are exercising several times a week; can swim 200m without stopping and have your glide-kip and backflip back. 

I hope you've had the courage to go on a few dates. Even if they don't go well. I hope you've had the courage to go on a second date. But don't worry if you haven't. If you haven't gone on dates, I hope you've talked to your psychologist about it. I hope you've had the courage to try therapy again, even if things are going well, you know there are things you need to deal with. I hope you've had the courage to go out and be social more, even if it's hard. 

Finally, I hope you're well, but if not, it's not your fault. You are a good and worthwhile person. You deserve to be well and happy and alive. I hope you can see the good in everyone you meet, and most importantly in yourself. 

[Shimmer]

A wonderful, hopeful and self-compassionate message @Former-Member

[Appleblossom]

It is a very interesting process to review ourselves every 6 months.  I forgot to actually project forward 6 months ago, but will do it now for the next 6 months.

Reflection on last 6 months: I did not expect the events of this week.  I am slowly developing good support, keep doing so.  You, Apple and your kids are worth it and deserve the best that is available ... so turm up all those stones .  Most of the 6 months has been reasonable productive and steady for the family as a whole.  My son's situation is steadily improving, 

Am still relating with my brother.  He is determined not to die, so maybe I better change my thinking about that.  If anyone can beat the odds with 5 years metastic colo-rectal cancer, he can.  Go baby bro.  

My personal feelings have been triggered a lot in the last 6 months ... up & down ... using meds & psychotherapy more ... as the level of support I had when I first joined the forum ... was actually a bad joke.  I am just so used to keep on keeping ... taking the next step regardless ... feel the fear and do it anyway .. etc..

I am very tired of having to "man-up".  So more focus on me and my needs, wants and preferences.  no more waiting around for son to be responsible dont waste any more moments of Apple's life.  Be kind to him, to self and other living beings.  Follow up all the strands you have in place.  Take care of you and just do a lot more of what you want ... hope all your dreams come true.

[BlueBay]

I don't think I have ever done this before, so here goes ......

The next 6 months:

Dear Sadgirl

In the next 6 months you will be seeing a new psychologist who specialises in childhood sexual abuse and BPD.  You will learn so much more and have a better understanding of your mental health.

You will still travel with your hubby and try to spend more quality time together.  Not sure what will happen with MIL but whatever happens I will be there for my husband to support him.

I would like to exercise more and be a bit fitter but if i don't achieve this goal it's okay. i am not to be hard on myself for not achieving this goal.  

Reg. my parents - i would love to dearly see my dad in the next 6 months  😞 but if not well there is nothing i can do to change that.  

My only wish is that one day I get to see him before it is too late.

I am so hoping that my oldest son gets into the police force.  This is his dream and I will be so happy for him.

I want to be in a better mindframe as the last 6 months haven't been too great.  I am hoping that with my new psychologist I learn to 'let go' of past hurt and 'forgive' and try to live a happier and better life.