TOPIC TUESDAY What if they don't want help? *Session now finished*

[NikNik]

Hi all,

Sometimes as people who want the best for people we care for, we feel a bit like this:

What can we do if the person we care for doesn't want, or think, they need help?

Join the conversation with special guests from Mind Australia

Share your experiences, your thoughts and hopefully pick up some tips.

Please welcome the Mind Australia team from the carers helpline 🙂

[CarersHelpline]

Thanks NikNik

Hi everyone,

We are representatives from Mind Australia and one our roles is to manage the state-wide carer helpline. In this role, we both have the privilege of talking to many carers across the state and tonight, we look forward to talking to those online.

Often, one of the major concerns for the carers is that their loved ones don’t want or think they need help. It can be very frustrating for the family and friends to watch their loved ones go through this difficult situation.   

We would like to start tonight’s discussion by asking who you care for & have you experienced a similar situation?

[SadMum]

I don't know that I would call it "caring" but I am the mother of a 21 year old man who is suffering depression and anger management problems. It resulted last week in him being asked to leave my home last week on the eve of his birthday and I have not seen or heard from him since. I am aware he is reasonably safe through other family members. 

I have previously insisted he see a psychologist and have mentioned on many occassions local services he can access but he is not willing or committed.

[Eagle]

Hi @CarersHelpline 

I guess I'm a 'part time' carer for a friend.

I find it tough when my friend discloses all these tough things going on... but if I even suggest getting help, they pounce on me. It's like they haven't heard what they have just said.. and how much they are struggling...

[CarersHelpline]

@SadMum- Thank you for sharing your story. It must have been very difficult to see your son leave. Good to hear that at least you are aware that he is keeping safe.

[CarersHelpline]

@Eagle- Yes this is often difficult. Sometimes it seems its best to hear what people are saying about their circumstances rather than offer solutions. The first step could be to validate how much they are struggling and build on this.

[Eagle]

Hey @SadMum 

I think I remember reading your post about this the other night.

Do you think he realises something isn't right?

[Eagle]

@CarersHelpline 

Can you give me some examples of how I could say it? I have asked a psychologist friend this - but their response was to say things like "that must be really tough" or "It sounds like you're having a tough time" none of which sounds like something I'd say.... so I've had issues just being able to say things like that, without sounding condescending or unnatural....

[SadMum]

Actually it had reached the point that he could no longer stay. The end result, a suicide threat taken seriously by me, police called and him taken to local hospital Mental Health Unit. Unfortunately they let him go as he'd obviously calmed down by then. But it his violent abusive language towards me that means that I can't take him back.

[Dexy]

I am new to this forum, since last night actually, and I've had two wonderful  replies but about this topic - my son is 18 and is seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist and his GP but the problem is that none of these professionals have given us a diagnosis. He seems to be a bit of 'everything'. It seems like we have to wait for a big episode for something to move forward and my husband and I are doing everything we can to not let this happen, but the cost in time, energy and emotions is very great. Our son does not trust the 'system' - having experienced an overnight stay in a high dependency unit which terrified him and seems to have set up a negative connection with any hospital. He will not agree to go into a private hospital so we wait ... in fear.