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Former-Member
Not applicable

Daily moodswings - how is it for you?

Good morning everyone,

I'm newly diagnosed with bipolar and currently not on mood stabilisers. I'm trying to understand what are emotions all people feel and what is extreme.

No matter how brief the times are, in a normal day for me I experience everything from being hopeful, accepting, feeling loved to desperate, exhausted, in fear of my life, suicidal, helpless and hopeless, I feel anger all the way to rage against myself, the world, anything, I can get so deeply sad without remembering why, I feel disconnected and lonely but I also have times at work where I just function the way I used to and need to. Work seems to do me good as I have little time ruminating and constant demands from people - about subjects that do not scare me, situations where I can just rely on my analytical mind. As soon as that positive stimulation is over, off I go again. I don't work full time at the moment because I get too exhausted and spiral downwards.

Can anyone identify with a typical day like that? Is that what every person in the world experiences or is this what people mean when they call it extreme mood shifts. I do know that this makes me very tired.
48 REPLIES 48

Re: Daily moodswings - how is it for you?

Hi Flower,

I'm no professional and I'm sure we are all different to a degree, but I would not say that it is normal to feel suicidal, desperate, hopeless and enraged on a typical day. That would be utterly exhausting, if not dangerous.

Can I ask why you do not take mood-stabilisers? Have you tried them and don't like them for some reason. Do you see a doctor or psychiatrist regularly? 

I suffer from anxiety and I have had severe depression in the past. On a typical day, I experience some anxiety, but it is by no means overwhelming.  I can usually shake it by taking a walk, doing some deep breathing, distracting myself with a task I enjoy or calling up a friend.

On a bad day, things can get quite a bit worse. I can have insomnia, racing thoughts, palpitations, a dry mouth, feelings of impending doom, poor appetite, be teary and very lonely. Fortunately, these days are few and far between now. And at least I know what the problem is and I know it will pass. My bad days are almost always caused by a negative experience in my life. 

Flower, I hope you can get some help. You should not have to live your life at the mercy of these unwanted and uncontrolled mood swings. Please see you G.P. and tell them exacly what is going on.

I think you are doing really well to be able to keep working, considering what you are going through.

I hope you can write back and tell us how you are going.

Re: Daily moodswings - how is it for you?

Hi @Former-Member
I take a mood stabiliser daily. It is an anti-convulsant as many of them are. I take the same anti-convulsant for epilepsy too. One med with two purposes.
As I've said previously I will happily take my meds for the remainder of my life. I still have mood swings on my meds but they're not nearly as extreme. Well, mostly not as severe because there are still periods when my world blows up but not nearly as often.
I can't help you with the rapid cycling as my episodes tend to be quite lengthy.

I had a psychiatrist some years ago who quite unwittingly helped me more than he may have realised. I asked him what I could do to help myself. His response was nothing except take your meds. I told him I didn't agree with him as I believed there had to be something I could do for myself. He then told me why couldn't I be like other patients and simply do as I was instructed.
By this stage we were arguing quite vociferously. I left the surgery and began journaling.
I'm so glad he made me think for myself. It was at that point I ceased to be a victim of bipolar. My thought at the time was 'bipolar came to live with me. I didn't choose to live with bipolar. From there on I was the one in the driver's seat and I started setting the rules for both of us ie me and bipolar.
Aboveall I started taking responsibility for my own mental health.

Re: Daily moodswings - how is it for you?

Hi @Sahara and @Kurra

Thank you for your input. I am not on mood stabilisers (yet?). My diagnosis is still new, I'm seeing a new psych and I am on other meds that we are already reducing. So I guess at some point we will get there?

The more I read about bipolar, the more questions I have and this was just one like that. Over the past year I have found out so many things about myself that others don't experience and I was wondering if the mood swings are one of them. I never thought I had anxiety, but I was wrong there too. I can see that now. But it is difficult to know what is different as I cannot see in other people's heads and I cannot feel what they feel. If I had a clump foot I would know that my foot is different to others, but I cannot see that my brain works different to others and it feels pretty normal to be me, perhaps not always easy, but pretty normal? Not sure if that makes sense, but it is an interesting journey of discovering new things about myself and the world around me. I think I have developed a very thick protective layer around me.

Re: Daily moodswings - how is it for you?

@Kurra I admire you for taking responsibility for your life and for your little unwanted guest. I too believe that there is more I can do than just pop pills x

Re: Daily moodswings - how is it for you?


Quote from Flower:
The more I read about bipolar, the more questions I have and this was just one like that. Over the past year I have found out so many things about myself that others don't experience and I was wondering if the mood swings are one of them. I never thought I had anxiety, but I was wrong there too. I can see that now. But it is difficult to know what is different as I cannot see in other people's heads and I cannot feel what they feel. If I had a clump foot I would know that my foot is different to others, but I cannot see that my brain works different to others and it feels pretty normal to be me, perhaps not always easy, but pretty normal? Not sure if that makes sense, but it is an interesting journey of discovering new things about myself and the world around me. I think I have developed a very thick protective layer around me.

Flower,
I can relate to what you have said above. I grew up having depression and anxiety from a young age and so I had no idea that my thoughts were not normal.  I think at one stage my Mother even told me that what I was going through was a normal part of life, when I complained to her that I had so many scary, racing thoughts going through my head all the time! I was only 8 years old and teary and withdrawn. I really don't know how she could have brushed it off like that, but I guess people were less aware back then.
Having been through an episode of major depression as an adult and coming out on the other side, I now educate myself about depression and anxiety and the more I learn, the more my life makes sense to me.  It is such a relief to know that this is an illness and that other people have it too.
Forums such as this one are a godsend for me, as I can read direct accounts of what others are feeling.  No, we cannot get inside someone else's head, but through reading and understanding their words we can have a good idea about what they are feeling.
I grew up thinking there was something really wrong with me but there was nothing I could do about it. I was totally alone with my depression and anxiety, so I always hid it to the best of my ability. I became an expert at hiding and secrecy. (I should join ASIO - I would be their star recruit! Smiley Wink)
Now I know there are so many things thast I can do to help myself and if I need expert help as well, then that is only a phone call away.  

 

 

 

Re: Daily moodswings - how is it for you?

I can relate to what you have said above. I grew up having depression and anxiety from a young age and so I had no idea that my thoughts were not normal. I think at one stage my Mother even told me that what I was going through was a normal part of life, when I complained to her that I had so many scary, racing thoughts going through my head all the time! I was only 8 years old and teary and withdrawn. I really don't know how she could have brushed it off like that, but I guess people were less aware back then.

@Sahara I agree, our parents were less aware. But also the medical system. I remember that my parents took me to see a doctor once about my sleeping and dreaming problems - with the outcome that he suggested not to let me watch any television as my imagination was too extreme. When I was little they also asked for advise how to manage my hysterical and anger outbreaks - and the answer from the doctor was, slap her when she struggles to breathe to snap her out of it. Great advise... Into adulthood my Dad would give me a bear hug and not let me go when he noticed that I was losing control. I loved my Dad so that was acceptable.

I think I learnt what was socially acceptable and how I had to behave to be able to succeed in life. But in the outside world I think I left my identity behind. People don't see the real me, my husband and kids do, my friend from childhood does. People love my enthusiasm and drive when I'm feeling well, but I retreat completely when I'm not well or boil over in anger. I push people away when I'm not well.

Re: Daily moodswings - how is it for you?

Hi @Former-Member. Smiley Happy

I can definitely relate to much of what you have described. Allow me to elaborate...

As I've said before, I'm diagnosed bipolar type 2. I've never had a psychotic break or full-blown mania, but I do get periods of rapid cycling which sound very similar to what you described in your first post in this thread. My rapid cycling is usually triggered by very strong emotional upheaval, such as a major argument with a loved one.

When I rapid cycle, it usually lasts anywhere from a few days to about 3 weeks. It is absolutely exhausting! With absolutely no rhyme or reason, my moods and energy levels will leap about from severe depression-like feelings, to loss of all hope, to bawling my eyes out, to elation, to fits of laughter, to running around like an idiot with way too much energy burning around inside my body, and pretty well anywhere in between. My anxiety (I used to think I didn't suffer from anxiety either - hahaha - how wrong I was) can often spike too at various points during the day without any logic to it.

During rapid cycling, it's like I wake up each day not knowing what state I'm going to be in, or how long it is going to last. I can go through multiple mood states throughout the course of a day, up and down like a yo-yo.

It really does take it out of me. Irritability and uncharacteristic aggression also play their part, but nowhere nearly as bad as when I am suffering from what is known as a "mixed episode". These are the very worst states that I have ever experienced in my life. Thankfully, I have only had a handful of mixed eps. Basically, a mixed episode is depression and hypomania at the same time - it can also be called agitated depression or dysphoric (hypo)mania. Severe agitation and irritation results. It is almost impossible for me to deal with (especially as I am unmedicated). This is when suicidal ideation can rear its ugly head for me, and I must be extremely vigilant and careful.

From what I've been able to tell, my "normal" is a hypomanic high sitting at about 6 or 7 out of 10 (if that makes any sense to you). This is where I spend the majority of my time. Over the course of the past 4 years, I have had mild dips into depression (but nothing like the 6 month major depressions I used to have back when I was ignorant of my mental health issues and pushed myself too far during my highs). I have also had occasional rapid cycling episodes lasting a few weeks each time, and a few mixed episodes lasting up to a week each time.

For the most part, I can keep things on a relatively even keel, but that has taken prodigious effort and lots of learning on my part. At my worst, I need to rely on every single bit of coping mechanism and wellness strategy that I have been able to amass throughout my life just to survive...

@Former-Member, I really hope that things settle down for you. I believe that I have some small understanding of what you might me going through - it is absolutely exhausting not to have any foundation to stand on, to be constantly tossed around by moods and thoughts and energy levels changing and turbulent and chaotic all of the time.

Sending calming ommmmmmm vibes your way...

Re: Daily moodswings - how is it for you?

Flower wrote:

I think I learnt what was socially acceptable and how I had to behave to be able to succeed in life. But in the outside world I think I left my identity behind. People don't see the real me, my husband and kids do, my friend from childhood does. People love my enthusiasm and drive when I'm feeling well, but I retreat completely when I'm not well or boil over in anger. I push people away when I'm not well.

Hi Flower,

I also retreat when I am not well. Apart from my close friends and family, no-one knows that I suffer from anxiety and depression. Of my friends, all but one or two of them seem to think that my illness is a figment of my imagination, as I look and act normal to them. It's not that they accuse me of making it up - they are much more diplomatic than that! Smiley Wink It's just that they sort of ignore anything they don't want to know about. They are experts at changing the subject. 

My family are not a whole lot better... if ever I say I am struggling, they try to cheer me up with a nice lunch at the pub or a shopping trip. Sweet, but kind of missing the mark a bit, if you know what I mean. 

It's funny, but my parents also stopped me watching anything scary on T.V. in order that I wouldn't have nightmares, just like yours did. To this day, I really hate horror movies and things like that and refuse to watch them. 

Re: Daily moodswings - how is it for you?

Hey Groovers,
As previously mentioned, I'm 42 and have lived with chronic depression since I was a small child. My GP has just referred me to a psychiatrist, most likely for a formal bipolar diagnosis, which is not surprising and has been a long time coming. My doctor has also stated that I am unable to work at the moment as I am too unwell.
When I read your post @Former-Member it was as if it was about me. I, too, experience a lot of those moods and feelings in one day. And yes, it's beyond exhausting!!
Much love and peace to you all. Xx
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